Camping Dog
If you’ve ever had a pet die, you know the feeling of grief and loss. But what about when circumstances in life force you to find a new home for a perfectly healthy, happy pet? It’s a very different kind of pain. This personal post is to share my experience with loss of a pet and how I’m getting through it. It’s hard.
Briefly, my personal story is that I was laid off more than a year ago. I started Camping Dog Supplies as a way to do something I love on a subject I love and to find a way out of the trap of being an employee subject to the whims of corporate economics. This has turned out to be harder and takes longer than I was led to believe. Like millions of others, I face an uncertain future.
My dogs are my family and it’s more important than anything else that they are happy and well.
To the millions who are facing this emotional catastrophe, I want to share what I’ve come to feel. When you’ve lost everything, it’s easy to fall into blame of yourself or others, anger, and all sorts of “what if” thinking. Then there’s the self doubt, fear, and other thoughts that run rampant.
In those moments, the companionship of pets becomes even more important and the bond becomes even stronger. I adore my dogs and I can honestly say they have been instrumental in keeping me moving on the really bad days. Giving them up is one of the hardest choices that anyone can be forced to make.
It’s About Your Pet, Not You
“If you love them, let them go” is a saying to remember. The bottom line is that my girls are with people who love them, give them what they need, and that they are happy. If I find that for them, it gives me one less thing to worry about and I can sleep knowing I’ve done the best that I can.
Chelsea, my border collie mix, is a bright, sweet, sensitive, and friendly girl who loves everyone. Of my two dogs, I know that she will have an easier time adapting to a new environment. In finding her a new home, there were certain things I knew she needed to be happy:
- Someone who is happy giving her the constant attention and petting she craves
- Someone who is gentle and loving, as she is
- An environment where she has constant companionship of beings with either two or four legs. This is not dog who can be alone for any length of time!
I’m glad to say I’ve found the perfect home for her. In a week or so, I will be packing up her favorite toys and bed, and take her to her new home. It’s a couple who have two Burmese Mountain Dogs (so she’ll have company and someone to herd), love dogs, and are very steady and stable in their manner and style.
You Are Giving Someone Else a Gift
When we confirmed this on the phone, it dawned on me that I am giving a wonderful gift to someone who will honor and appreciate it. It’s clear that these folks “get” what they’re getting with her and realize that it’s a huge gift. Even though I will no longer have the sunshine personality of Chelsea in my life, someone who appreciates it will and their lives will be richer because of it.
Dogs Have Tremendous Love To Give To Many
When they’re in a healthy environment, dogs have tremendous love to give to many, many people. Chelsea loves everybody. I’ve had people say unhelpful things like, “How can you give them up? They love you!” Of course they love me! But dogs have the capacity to love many people.
If you can remember these things, the wrenching process of finding new homes is easier. Yes, you’ll still be an emotional mess, but it will be free of guilt because you know you’ve done a good thing both for your dog and for their new family.
166 comments
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September 1, 2010 at 1:22 am
valentina
I am going through this particualr situation at this very moment! Heart-wrenching is an understatement. Thank you for your words of wisdom. They have some what put a slight ease on my heart. Bless you.
September 2, 2010 at 4:05 pm
goodgriefpetloss
Valentina,
You have my heartfelt sympathy as you navigate the pain of having to give up your pet. I know it must be devastating. Please feel free to email me through my website if you just need to share more of those feelings.
October 31, 2010 at 3:16 am
lili
I have lost a pet before it died it was awful, but now I have to give up my healthy little kitty to a nice home in two days. I m never going to see her again I know that. I have two other cats at home and a teenager and I lost my job because I got sick from stress. I m in terrible pain I don’t know if Im going to survive this separation. Please help me to ease my pain. Like you said Im already an emotional mess before I gave her that new home, I am afraid to make a mistake and never be over with this.
October 31, 2010 at 7:23 pm
goodgriefpetloss
Dear Lili,
I am so very sorry for all of the awful life stressors you’re currently facing. They sound quite overwhelming. What you’re doing for your kitty may well be the most selfless, loving thing you could do if you are unable emotionally and financially to give the cat proper care. I know that’s small consolation when you’re hurting so much. But at least you can know that being in a loving new home will ease the kitty’s transition. As for you, have you thought to call a pet loss support hotline? (You can Google pet loss support to get some listings if you don’t have my book, which has an extensive listing in its resources section.) You also may want to look into free or low-cost counseling at a local clinic. It sounds like you really could use some one-on-one support yourself. Another thing to consider is finding out whether there are any Emotions Anonymous meetings in your area. It can be a great way to rebuild a sense of community and get some tools to help you get past the worst of your hurt. Please keep me posted as to how you’re doing. You’ll be in my prayers.
August 17, 2013 at 11:14 pm
maria
I have 3 girls and my 10 year old is the youngest. we just recently got a puppy and he is 12 weeks old…my oldest daughter is starting university and told me she won’t have time to take care of the dog and while we were excited to get the puppy…it was an impulse decision. Now I am thinking of giving him back to the owner and my youngest daughteris freaking out..she won’t talk to me and doesn’t want to hear what i have to say….Please any advice as how to let her know we can’\t take care of him anymore. I don’t want her to hate me.
August 26, 2013 at 4:18 pm
goodgriefpetloss
I know this is a difficult decision for you, and certainly I don’t want the pup to suffer neglect, but I’m afraid you do indeed risk your daughter remembering this instance with resentment. Is there no way to make this a learning opportunity for you all and step up to give the puppy a good home? Learning to take responsibility for our impulsive actions takes courage, but it is an invaluable one because we can’t always just “return” the results of such decisions. I wish you luck in working out this circumstance.
February 2, 2014 at 4:20 pm
Mike
I just gave away my best friend and it’s killing me inside he Is 8 months old and out on a farm with a stay at home family and seem like great people. He is a cane corso and was an amazing pet and freind every second I was home he was with me. We recently had x Mas break and the whole fam was home for two weeks. Of course the break ended and we had to go back to work and school so he went from us all the time to no one all day. He is strong and could get out of his cage then he would chew the house. So we fortified it so he couldn’t get out so he bent the bars got caught for a while gave himself a black eye. The cage was trashed got a new cage air plane one didn’t chew threw just smashed threw and of course trashed the house. When people were home best dog ever. The last option was a hd metal cage. Couldn’t do it we were so scared that his determination to get out could lead to injury or death and as my kids get home before me I couldn’t take the chance they could find him like that. So we sold him my heart is broke but I know it’s the best situation for him he’s on a farm they have another dog and he was well socialized and loves other dogs and they have cats too and she is a stay at home mom so he will get the attention that he needs. She said we could visit but I don’t know if I could handle seeing him again I feel like if I do the pain I feel today will just start over any thoughts about my baby boy/ best bud?
February 8, 2014 at 4:23 pm
goodgriefpetloss
Mike,
This is a heart-breaking scenario. It’s so hard when we recognize that all the love in the world may not be enough to meet the needs of our best four-footed friends. Take solace knowing you were incredibly selfless in putting his needs before your own. That doesn’t make missing him any easier, but your soul can be at ease that this was the best option for him and your house. Perhaps someday your schedule will allow you to be home more with a pet or you could drop him/her off at a doggie daycare facility while you’re away to get all played out and be calm and happy when you pick him/her up at the end of the day. I know this is quite an expense, but it is something to consider for the future, as I do hope you will again someday open your home and heart to a needful animal.
Best wishes,
Sid
June 1, 2014 at 2:53 pm
wayne kimler
I have no idea how to deal with this. My two cats I have had since they were 8 weeks old and now 13. I must move my family to another country for job reasons and I have been told by 3 vets there is no way they can live through the strict laws on quarantine so I have found a loving home for them but, yet I have no idea how I can handle this. They are truly my babies who foliow me everywhere every day. they are by my side everywhere in this house. I am an emotional wreck right now and have absolutely zero clue on how to cope.
December 2, 2010 at 11:18 am
any
hi
i can understand your pain.i have a labra .he is with me only for 4 days and i love him like anything.now i have to give him to someone else because we have to go to some other place . he can have a stable life with that person.my blessings ,my love ,my everything is with him.love you my navu.
and i m really sorry for this my baby.i really love him and i know i will never see him again.i m sorry.i m in a great pain.he is just 40 days old very small and beautiful.
October 21, 2012 at 1:38 pm
barbara
may the lord bless you and comfort you i know your pain im ready to go get my cats and bring them here and say tuff they are mine and if i keep them in my room and they dont bother you get over it very close to me doing this
November 11, 2011 at 1:10 pm
angie
I have been ‘looking after’ feeding a stray for a year and a half. It started when I called my local cats protection league to say I’d seen a cat that needed help. They said they had no spaces and could I keep feeding him and watch him for now. He was not microchipped nor had a collar. So I have been keeping an eye on him and feeding him. I was worried as he needed worming etc and what to do? (I live in rented accommodation and not allowed pets). So I called again recently and said could they help now? (was worried with the cold weather and me staying with my boyfriend over xmas I could nto let him in out of the cold) They came to take him 2 days ago. It was the right thing ( as my boyfriend has 3 dogs who would attack cats if we decide to live together that would not be good for the cat). However, I am in a real state. I have been caring and worrying about him for over a year and I cannot believe how upset I am. I am in a total state with guilt and worry. Crying all the time. I feel such an awful person and that I didnt realise how attached I had become to him.How much I cared for him. I just wanted to do the right thing and him not get ill and get a ‘forever home’. This feels as bad as when I have been with a dog when he was put down. I feel so alone in it all as I had noone to help me make the decision. Even my boyfriend didnt ask on the day he went ‘how it went’. I am so upset and hurt. Terrible.
November 11, 2011 at 3:20 pm
goodgriefpetloss
Hi Angie,
Attachment and bonding with an animal is not necessarily linked to actual “ownership.” Plenty of pet owners never develop that attachment throughout the life of a pet. You formed a strong bond with this cat because he was in great need and you stepped in to fill that need for him. On behalf of all animals, I thank you for doing so. I know the decision to have him picked up by the rescue organization was a wrenching one. It would have torn me apart, too. It’s because I know I can’t save them all and that any one I walk away from may eventually be put to sleep that I can’t even walk through an animal shelter without bawling. And I’ve never even met these animals. All you’ve done for this cat surely deepened that sense of needing to save him. I have four Westies, one of whom always attacked one of my cats, who died this summer from liver failure. So I know how treacherous it can be for a cat in a household full of dogs. I still have one cat who holds her own, but I know I can’t adopt another cat until the naughtiest of the Westies (and the 15-year-old cat who is enjoying being a solo act) are passed over. What I advise you to do is this: Take some time alone in a room. Light a candle and write a letter to this cat, telling him what he meant to you and how he made you a better person. Include in the letter all you wish for him in his new life (a loving family, safe home, happiness, health, etc.). When you’re finished, light the letter with the candle and let it burn to ashes in a flame-safe dish or pan. Take the ashes and scatter them in your yard or garden or wherever. Sending up the message as smoke symbolically takes it wherever it needs to go in both the physical and spiritual worlds. Your intention will be set and this kitty will surely find the home he deserves. In the meanwhile, be tender with yourself and try to forgive your boyfriend’s thoughtlessness. We can’t force people to think beyond themselves, alas. Just know you did a loving, selfless thing for a creature who couldn’t do it for himself. You were his hero and are to be consoled now.
November 11, 2011 at 3:42 pm
angie
Thanks so much for your words. I will indeed follow your advice. It is true I did bond with him hence the cause of my sorrow and concern for him. I am pretty sure our local Cats Protection League do not put the cats to sleep. I had wanted to do the ‘right thing’ and in many ways I know it is. It just occurred that maybe it was not the right thing for ‘me’. It was the right thing for my landlord who doesnt like animals and because of the dogs (my boyfriend has malamute and huskies – all who chase cats) . However, I loved him and cared for him and miss him. I know that is selfish in itself but he gave me as much as I gave to him. I never realised and feel pretty stupid for not realising. I was glad to help him and I am so hoping he will find a good home. I now need to go away and consider some of the things you said. Realise how much we can gain by giving to others and why I now feel so bereft. Thanks so much for taking the time to say a few words. I am really grateful to you. Love and light x
November 11, 2011 at 6:19 pm
goodgriefpetloss
Angie,
You are most welcome. It’s so vital for everyone who is experiencing any form of pet loss to know their feelings are absolutely valid. Expect them to be difficult but let them flow through you rather than resist them and they’ll pass much more quickly. I hope someday you are able to adopt a cat of your very own. You sound like exactly the type of caregiver any animal would be lucky to have. All the best to you, Sid
December 22, 2011 at 7:30 am
Rita
Thank you for your comforting words. As I’m typing this, I’m crying. I just had to give up my beautiful Shitzu today. It was so difficult and yes, I’m an emotional wreck. He’s gone to a great person, but I’ll miss him. She has a poodle already which is also a plus. If only life was slower so that I could have spent more time with him. His new owner called me and fell absolutely in love with him. That makes me feel good. When it comes down to it, I know I made the best choice to honor my faithful friend. Love you, Cuddles…be happy. 😦
December 22, 2011 at 6:14 pm
goodgriefpetloss
Sometimes, letting go of those we love, when it’s in their best interests, is the best and most selfless thing we can do. That doesn’t make it any easier to deal with the feelings of loss, guilt, etc. I’m sorry your holidays have been tainted by this sad circumstance, but trust that Cuddles will be well loved. People who adopt/rescue animals come into it knowing they need to pour on the love and affection to make the pet’s transition easier. Picture him being snuggled to pieces and know you did this out of love. My best wishes to you for a speedy healing of your sad heart. Sid
April 10, 2012 at 2:07 am
karina
Sometime in Febuary of 2011 our puggle died.We bought new dog and soon found out that we werent able to handle her anymore, because of her biting children. We have called the local PAWS and are putting her up for adoption. In the same place we adopted her from. I feel it is probably best for her,but I will miss her. She will go to a single person home and be happier there. We felt like Kona was the replacement of our other dog, even though she was totally different, and not a replacement, it still felt that way. It is like losing Bellie all over again.
April 10, 2012 at 2:06 pm
goodgriefpetloss
Karina,
I am very sorry for your double loss. I don’t know from your message how soon it was after Bellie’s passing that you bought Kona, but I’m glad you shared that your aim had been to find a replacement and that you realized she was totally different. I am concerned that folks who run out quickly to replace a lost pet may encounter what you’ve said here. They are often disappointed and sometimes don’t bond fully with the new pet when he/she fails to match their expectations about the new pet being a continuation of the one they’d lost. It’s very human to want to get another companion as a Band-aid for the pain, but if it doesn’t work out, as you said here, too, the pain is redoubled. It’s best to fully mourn the first loss and get the new pet when your heart is healed and you’re in a strong place. (I’m speaking in general terms, as I don’t know how long you waited and if the timing was the main issue for you; it may not have been.) I know there are definitely dogs that do not appreciate children—I have four Westies and two of them detest kids and should not be around them. So you were no doubt right to help Kona find a home in which she’d be more comfortable. Perhaps you were meant to be a place-holder in her life until a more suitable home became available. I hope you eventually find a family-friendly pooch and wish you luck in moving beyond this grief.
April 5, 2012 at 10:34 pm
Melissa
Thank you for your words. I had to give my dog away yesterday morning. I am constantly moving around, and my husband and agreed that she needed something more stable. I’ve had her for 6 years, and it is like a piece of me is gone. Everything reminds me of her. I just feel heartbroken, and I don’t know how to get through this.
April 6, 2012 at 1:59 am
goodgriefpetloss
I sometimes think giving away a pet is almost more painful than having one pass away naturally. You’ll always know they’re still around but that you can’t be with them. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through, though I’m sure it was a selfless decision made with her best interests at heart.
October 2, 2012 at 8:09 pm
barbara
I know your pain its been a month fro me although i can visit my 3 cats they hate to see me leave and i dont know how to go on every day with out them they were my world for 5 years and i feel alone inside,
ill pray for all people in pain over loss and i dont know if ill get them back but i know its heartbreaking for all of us i wish you peace,
April 12, 2012 at 1:25 pm
Heartbroken
Hi. I just ended a relationship of 3 years, and had to give away my 2 daschunds on the same day. They were not even 2 years old yet. I actually decided to have them put down, and then the vet convinced me that there are other people out there who can love them and care for them just as I was. It didn’t effect me emotionally as bad as I expected at that time, because I suppressed all my emotions. Today I phoned the vet to find out if they have found a new home, and I heard that the new owners are picking them up tonight. I am so happy that they can stay together, but I am so sad that I will never see them again. And I worry about them… will they be warm at night, will they be handled with respect, will they be happy. I have no idea how to deal with this, and it feels as if nobody understands my emotions.
April 12, 2012 at 4:05 pm
goodgriefpetloss
Marlie,
It sounds like because you were hit with a huge amount of loss all at once, it was affecting your decision-making. I’m very glad your vet convinced you not to put down the two dachshunds. Especially when they’re young like that, it’s always better to try and get them adoptive homes. I’m constantly posting things for even senior and special-needs Westies that have to find new homes, and they often do find them. I can tell you cared a great deal about your dogs because you checked up on their situation with your vet. People who seek to rescue animals are generally very loving, caring folks, too. I’m sure your vet or the adoption agency screened them beforehand for their suitability as pet parents. I don’t know if any of this reassures you or not, but I do mean for it to. I hope you’ve been able to find support for yourself following all this loss. It’s very good that you recognized that you were suppressing your emotions initially. Now, you need to realize they’ll come out in unexpected ways and at unexpected times. Perhaps finding a counseling or pet loss support group would give you a safe place to share what you’re feeling. I wish you the best of luck.
May 3, 2012 at 6:51 am
Thankyou
Thank you very much for this post, I cried while reading the whole thing I have to give up my Dog and best friend and it is so hard. For some reason we bonded so well. I have never felt like this out of all the lovely pets I have had over the years she is very special. My prayer is to find her a lovely home she is part pit bull which makes it so much harder she is hated for her breed through no fault of her own. My circumstances have changed with the effect of the economy I lost my house and my financial standing now am staying with family and we have finally come to the end of the road at a place where they wanted to evict us because of her weight limit and breed. I have nothing left to offer her. She is a wonderfully behaved quiet soulful dog she just loves people and she is kind. It has been the hardest decision ever, I could never have survived all of this if not for her. Now I Hope I can find her a safe house with loving people she can bond with who will love her as much as I do. It is my prayer and I am hopeful. I do know at some point I will feel better otherwise I may as well give up completely but am just praying for her to be safe and happy. Thank you so much for writing this.
May 3, 2012 at 2:07 pm
goodgriefpetloss
Nadia,
I am so sorry for the pain you are experiencing. Even though you’re doing this with the best, most loving intentions for your dog’s well-being, I know it’s agonizingly hard for you. Have you looked into pit bull rescue organizations such as Save-a-Bull? http://www.saveabullmn.com/ They might be able to place her in foster care until a new home can be found for her.
You’ll both be in my thoughts.
Wishing you strength,
Sid
May 26, 2012 at 4:13 am
Lisa bishop
I found this site tonight trying to read anything that will help with my emotions right now..I had to give up my cocker spaniel Zoe of 7yrs.i raised her from birth and she slept by my side every night. I am moving out of state and convinced my fiancé to let’s keep her mother..I felt Zoe was a better fit because of her love and affection she gives..Maggie seems to be suffering from her absence as well..the family that has her seems to be loving her as much as I did and is keeping me posted with emails but I am just not coping well..Maggie can not come to my new home front because it’s an apt on Jobsite that doesn’t allow pets..I’m actually feeling the loss of two pets at once I guess..once we find a place I can get her but my fiancé is having hard time understanding my grief..it is very intense and comes over me in a wave..I love my pets so much and I hope I am not being selfish in keeping Maggie.i tried to keep them together but no takers on that do I chose to keep the one I felt could handle being alone..
May 26, 2012 at 4:23 pm
goodgriefpetloss
Sometimes I think separation like this is almost harder to adapt to than an outright passing. It’s a case of so close and yet so far, with you always wondering if there wouldn’t be some way to be together. I understand completely how difficult this must be for you. When I (very rarely) travel, I go through pet withdrawal and have to ask strangers to let me cuddle their animals. I hope things get settled for you soon and that you can all be reunited. It’ll be a good test to see if your fiancé can come to understand and support you through a tough time. It’s something he’ll need to be able to do for the long haul once you’re married. (I’m also a wedding officiant, so I know of whence I speak here.) Please keep us posted when your situation settles and you can all be happily together again. Wishing you strength. Sid
July 26, 2012 at 6:05 pm
Danielle D.
I am a college student with a dog named Zoey that I love dearly. But as I advance further in my college career the longer I’m away from home studying and working, leaving Zoey home for hours at a time alone. I will also be moving away soon for graduate school and I can’t guarantee that I will be able to bring her with me. Giving her away is a very hard decision, and I don’t know what to do. She deserves someone who can take care of her full time.
July 30, 2012 at 2:02 pm
goodgriefpetloss
Danielle,
I know this has to be a very painful situation for you. I’m glad you don’t sound like someone who would just callously leave her dog behind to fend for herself when she moves. (Lots of people are like this!) Start researching possible homes for Zoey as soon as you’re able so you can interview the interested people and make an informed choice. If you list her somewhere such as on craigslist, I would advise you to attach a reasonable price for her because giving away pets for free often gets you inquiries from people who will use the animals for things like experimentation or quick resale rather than giving them a long-term loving home. Best of luck with your future, and thank you for caring about your pet’s future, too.
July 30, 2012 at 3:53 pm
Myra
I recently found a stray chihuahua in a really busy street near where I babysit my niece, she almost got hit by a car so I was happy when she let me get her. I own two schnauzers that are two years old Zoe and Jaz (brother&sister) and we’ve had them since they were two months old. My husband and I dont have kids so they are our lives. I took Aisa(the chihuhua) to our vet to check for a chip and they found the owner but unfortunatley her owner had given her away along with her puppies and they lost her to. The original owner did not want her back so she let me keep her. Zoe was a ttacked by a bigger dog that jumped our yard when she was only five months and lost her right eye. It was a really traumatic for me and I dont feel I’ve ever really gotten over it. Zoe is pretty jealous and territorial so when I brought Aisa home Zoe was always growling at her and I was afraid a bad fight would break out. Even though Aisa was submissive at times I still always so nervous and didnt know how to handle it. I found her a good home 4 days ago and they have another chihuahua and two amazing little girls. I have been crying since the day they took her and I feel so guilty, like I gave up on her without even finding out if Zoe would ever really get along with her. My husband has been really supportive and he keeps reminding me that she went to a good home and she”ll be o.k. but I feel like the worst human being ever and can’t stop crying. Some of my family members think Im overdoing it and that it was all Zoes fault I had to get rid of Aisa because I spoil Zoe and Jaz way too much. Im so sad…..
August 3, 2012 at 1:34 pm
goodgriefpetloss
I understand completely your concerns about the safety of animals in your home when you bring a new pet into the mix. When we first adopted our fourth Westie, Oliver, two years ago, things started out fine. But about a month in, our 15-year-old cat, Giles, hissed at Oliver and sent the dog (who has reactive fear issues) into a frenzy, which triggered the pack mentality among the other three dogs who’d otherwise been fine with Giles, and made them all simultaneously attack the elderly cat! Several times, I had to put myself in the middle of one of these attacks, physically hurling back the snarling dogs and rescuing our cat, who, besides being terrified fortunately only suffered a yanked out tuft of hair or two. For the last 18 months of Giles’s life, he had to live in the basement. (It is big, warm and comfortable, so that wasn’t a problem.)
When Giles finally died of liver disease just about exactly a year ago this week, we finally thought we understood what had happened with Oliver. He was a newcomer to the household and thus first to notice the smell of sickness on Giles. Following his instincts, he sought to drive out the weakened member of the pack, and the other dogs followed suit. I still feel terrible for having been forced to spend less time with my dear cat because of this situation. It seemed so very unfair. But we were Oliver’s fourth home and had sworn to him this was his forever home. We knew we were likely his last chance to get past his trust issues. He’s not perfect, but he has come a very long way and is 98% fine with our other cat, Xander, also elderly, who knows better than to provoke Oliver’s prey instinct.
I share all of that to say, I don’t think you were wrong to give Aisa a chance to live in a less-stressed environment and to let Zoe retain her rein over her household. She was there first. (If the aggression-toward-cats issue had presented itself right away with Oliver, we MIGHT have sought a home for him wherein he was the only pet.) It’s heartbreaking any time we have to surrender a pet to another person/family, so I’m not diminishing your emotional turmoil in the least. But I do think you did the very best thing for all pets concerned.
By the way, Zoe’s territorial nature is just that, her nature. You can’t take that out of an animal, especially schnauzers who were originally raised to be guard dogs. You can, of course, work with a dog trainer to learn how best to manage her behaviors and assert yourself as the pack leader so she won’t feel quite so compelled to take over and rule the roost, so to speak. That would be advisable just because it reduces any dog’s anxiety to know where it ranks in your home’s hierarchy. As much as we adore them, our dogs shouldn’t be #1. A close second or third is just fine with them and can create a lot of peace. 🙂
Bark Busters has trainers all over the country and they helped us enormously with Oliver’s issues. Visit http://www.BarkBusters.com for more info.
Give your schnauzers an extra hug, keep Aisa in your prayers, and forgive yourself…TODAY!
August 6, 2012 at 2:47 pm
Myra
Thank you so much for your kind words.This has been so difficult for me and I have never experienced anything so painful with an animal as I have this time. I was cying the whole time I read your message, but the one thing I found that made me feel better was that you said to give my dogs a hug and keep Asia in my prayers. I had just finished saying my prayers this morning and asked for Asias well being and after that I gave my doggys a great big smooch and I told them how much I Loved them and how mommy would try to feel better soon. Then I opened up my e-mails and saw your post. Thank You so much again for your advise, this will help me to understand and cope so I can try to be the same happy mommy I’ve always been and Aisa will always be in my heart.
July 30, 2012 at 5:25 pm
Marc
I bought a German shepherd puppy on May 27, 2012. I got the first pick and boy, was he the pick of the litter. Hugo, my gorgeous GSD, lived with my ex and I in out smaller apartment until we split about a month ago.
I brought him to my parents house with me when I moved and my parents were not pleased. My mother gave me the ultimatum either sell the dog or I am bringing him to the shelter. She then took it upon herself to put an ad up for the dog online.
Before I go into more, let me tell you about Hugo. About a week after I got him, he was housebroken. I know what you’re thinking, is that even possible? Yes, it it. He started doing sit and shake at about 8 weeks old. He then quickly picked up on lay down and even roll over, which I had never seen a dog roll over on command so I thought he was the greatest thing since sliced bread! He has the most gorgeous coat on a dog I had ever seen; beautiful classic shepherd coloring and all. He loved me so much and was so playful.
I am a 19 year old college student going for nursing. I would be done with my program in two years or less. So I asked my mother to bare with him and I for two more years while I finished up school and got out of the house. It was a no.
Today, I heard my parents 2 older large breed dogs and my chihuahua barking and I also heard a car door close. My father came up to my room and said, “The people taking Hugo are here.”
At that moment, reality set in. My little man was going away. I started crying an ugly horrible cry.
Between my recent breakup, move, and the loss of my cat 2 days ago on saturday, I have been very emotionally stressed.
The people seemed very nice and said I could come visit him anytime. They paid me (even though I didn’t want the money, I wanted the dog), and I said my goodbye, carried him to the car, gave him a big kiss, and tried to walk away. He held onto my hand with his big beautiful paws and his mouth for a minute, until I finally pulled it away, told him I would always love him, and went inside.
I have been a mess all day. I feel so guilty for doing this to him. He was my best friend through my rough spots I have been going through.
Even though the family told me I could visit him anytime, I don’t know if I could do it to myself, or him for that matter. I don’t want him to think I am picking him back up and taking him back home, and then I once again, leave him there.
I am overpowered by emotions of guilt, sadness, heartbreak, anger, I just do not know what do to.
Hugo will always be my little buddy. There is nothing like the first dog you get yourself. I just wish he could have spent his whole life with me.
Everything happens for a reason through God, and I hope that the good Lord did this for a reason that I will see later. I pray that my little man is in the hands of someone who will love him as much as I do and that God blesses him with a wonderful happy life.
August 3, 2012 at 1:15 pm
goodgriefpetloss
Marc, I am so very sorry for what you’ve gone through. I think if it happened to me I’d have a difficult time getting past my parents’ not allowing me to keep the dog, not that they’re not within their rights to determine who can live with them, of course. I’m just talking emotionally here. They might have worked out something with you, perhaps have Hugo stay at a doggy day care center during the day (or whenever you’d be gone for an extended period of time) to limit their interactions, and you keep him in your room or his crate whenever else it was necessary. I realize that’s probably not a helpful thing to observe after the fact for you. I say it only as a suggestion to others who might be facing a similar situation in the future.
From the sounds of it, Hugo will have a loving, responsible home and be well cared for. For that, your heart can be glad. I once, as a child of about 7, had found a sweet kitten and wanted desperately to keep it. My mother was in the hospital at that time for a blood clot and told me I simply had to let it go and find its way back to its real home. I was bereft. She was an enormous animal lover, too, so this wasn’t because she disliked our having numerous pets. It was that she wouldn’t be around to help me care for it for some long time and also because another family might have been anguished and looking for their pet. This was in the mid-1960s, so there weren’t networks in place for finding lost pets to the same degree as there are now.
Anyway, I had to go home, put the kitten out of our garage where I’d made a bed for her, and tell her to go back home. I went in the house, bawling, and hours later when I came back, the kitten was gone. I can only hope she knew where she’d come from and made her way home. Obviously, this has stuck with me for decades, so I know how deeply such a situation can affect one. At least you know Hugo went from LOVE to more LOVE. It’s worse when you don’t know if you threw out the pet only for him to starve or be hit by a car, etc.
Rest assured, he’ll always love you. Animals can read our hearts as well as our minds. He knows you cared tremendously for him and he’ll take that with him. Dogs are very adaptable, too, and he’ll surely find happiness in his new home. All this is likely far harder on you than it will be on him, I would guess. My sympathies are with you during this difficult time.
August 12, 2012 at 9:06 pm
Joan
I can not believe I came across this page. It has been 14 years since I decided to give away a dog I had for 2.5 years. I think of him everyday, although I don’t dwell on the issue everyday, there are days like today, that I am overcome and just a wreck. The apin feels just as fresh as yesterday when I dwell on it. If there was ONE thing I could take back in my life, it would be that.This is the most I have talked / written about this. It is just so painful.
August 13, 2012 at 2:45 am
goodgriefpetloss
Regret is an awful thing to have to live through. I don’t know the circumstances you were facing at the time, but I suspect you truly loved that dog and wanted to give him/her the best life possible. Realize that no matter what, dogs do not hold grudges and do not blame us for our mistakes. That’s a human specialty. Send out mental prayers and loving thoughts to that animal’s spirit, wherever it is, and ask him/her to help you forgive yourself. Dogs don’t want the people they’ve loved to be in pain. Make it a point to do a kindness to animals in need today and in the future. Whether that’s donating time or money to a shelter, foster a pet, rescuing an animal, etc., you can make your spirit lighter by giving some kind of aid to needful animals. I wish you luck with this part of your journey.
August 15, 2012 at 2:43 am
Jess
Hello. I recently rescued two kittens from a farm whose mother had been attacked and killed by coyotes and the rest of the littler had died. They were about ten days old when I first got them and I called my mom asking if she would take them in and of course she said absolutely not. The kittens were so helpless that I could not resist taking them home and providing care for them. Although my mom did not want to admit it, she instantly fell in love with them. I have had them for about 4 weeks now and one of the kittens became very ill a couple of weeks ago. I ended up taking him to the vet and spending over $800 on antibiotics because the poor thing has pneumonia. He is progressing well, however, even though he is still a little congested. My dilemma is presented when I say there is one problem: I cannot keep these kittens. My father is not a cat person. He never has liked cats and we presently had two cats for 25 years. He is pressuring me to give them away and I am caught between what I want to do with these kittens and what I should do. I have balanced out the pros and cons though and came up with the conclusion that giving them to a good home is the best option. I am looking for support through this process so any comments would really help! Thanks.
August 15, 2012 at 3:18 am
goodgriefpetloss
Bless your heart for rescuing these poor, helpless animals and sacrificing all you have, financially, to save them. I don’t know your age and living arrangements, but since you’ve decided to find them homes, I have to assume you are living with your parents and will be into the foreseeable future, in which case you must abide by their rules. I encourage you to find a no-kill animal rescue organization in your area, such as Feline Rescue here in Minnesota, if you can. Their representatives can advise you on how best to proceed. Perhaps you can continue to foster these two kittens until the one is completely well. Otherwise, be sure to explain fully what the kitten’s health issues have been so whoever takes him in knows the whole story.
Do not simply offer them for free on Craigslist or something like that. Many dubious people take free animals that way and use them for less-than-humane purposes (such as bait animals for dog fighting) or simply get them to resell to someone else. Your vet might also be able to advise you as to what route to take to get them adopted. I wish you much luck and welcome a follow-up story when you find them homes. Thank you for sharing your story.
September 4, 2012 at 3:38 pm
Kaide
This blog message is exactly what I need. I recently had to give up my dog and my heart is broken. Part of me wants her back to experience the joy of her love and playfulness, the other part knows she is with a great family and they will enjoy her just as much as I have for close to five years. Thanks for sharing your story and your thoughts.
September 9, 2012 at 2:40 am
Sharon
Yesterday our dog was given away. He actually belonged to a boarder that we had. The boarder got a girlfriend and started spending more time with her than here. We were quite happy to look after the dog… He had become a part of the family after all and we love him. Then on Thursday we got a text message from our boarder to say that he had sold our beautiful baby. He said that since he was rarely ever here to look after the dog it was the right decision. No discussion with us, nothing. We told him we were happy to keep the dog and take responsibiliy for him but he wouldn’t be swayed. My daughter and I are devestated. It was so hard saying goodbye. He appears to have gone to a good home and the people who took him promised to keep in touch and let us know how he is, even send photo’s.
But I feel like a part of my heart has been ripped out. I can’t stop crying. They house is so quiet and empty without him. I am so angry at my boarder for doing this. He knew how much we love our beautiful boy yet he didn’t even discuss it with us first. I understand his reasons for making this decision and even agree with some of them but to have our baby ripped away is heartbreaking. I’m sure that as the days go by we’ll start feeling better but at the moment the pain is almost unbearable.
September 10, 2012 at 1:52 am
goodgriefpetloss
This really is a heart-breaking scenario. I am so sorry for you. How obtuse and insensitive can one guy be? That level of selfishness is appalling to me. The dog, of course, is much better off without HIM, but certainly not without YOU. I feel for you. I have no answer since speaking to the new owners is probably out of the question and there’d be no other way to amend this situation. If I were you, I’d sincerely have a tough time facing that boarder on a daily basis without wanting to smack him upside his head. I get a bit passionate about these things. I wish I had something actually helpful to offer you. All I can send you is my sympathy. So very sorry.
September 10, 2012 at 11:50 pm
Sharon
Thanks for that… It is getting slightly easier with each passing day but I still cry. Especially over the little things like him helping me hang the washing out or coming into the bedroom and watching me get changed after work. The hardest things like coming home and him not being here to greet me with his big smile and wagging tail. My daughter won’t come home after school until I am home from work because she doesn’t want to be here alone. even for an hour. I know we will survive this wrenching separation but we will always love and miss our beautiful baby boy.
September 11, 2012 at 12:14 pm
Sid Korpi
Sharon,
The silence in a dog-free house is deafening. I know only too well. Give yourselves plenty of time to mourn, and when you’re ready, consider opening your hearts and home to another needful animal. It sounds like you and your daughter have far too much love to give to let that go to waste. Best wishes, Sid
September 20, 2012 at 2:20 am
Sharon
Thanks to all of you who have commiserated with me about the loss of our dog. Good news though…. We are getting our beautiful baby boy back!!!! The people who took him have had a sudden change in circumstances and were worried about how he would cope as he was still fretting about being taken away from us… I would like to thank them for giving us the opportunity of having him back instead of just passing him on to someone else or giving him to the pound. Can’t describe how happy we are. Have to wait for 2 days until they are able to bring back. So excited!!!!! 😀
September 20, 2012 at 3:49 am
goodgriefpetloss
I am absolutely thrilled to hear this!!!! What an answer to prayers all around. Please keep us posted about your reunion. Congratulations!
October 5, 2012 at 3:24 pm
barbara
i am too happy for you, i cant wait to get my own home again and go get my 3 cats from my friend who is taking care of them, i saw them yesterday and im sad this morning but your hope gives me hope today thank you God bless you and your family
Barbaratracie@facebook
September 12, 2012 at 1:11 am
Letitia Evans (@letitia_evans)
Thanks for this article. I’m so grateful I found it. I had no idea how attached I was to our cat, Daisy, until we had to give her away. I miss the fun that she brought to our family, yet I know she is in a great place, getting the care she needs for herself and her new kittens.
September 22, 2012 at 5:11 am
Sharon
Well we got our beautiful boy back yesterday… He was so happy to see us ( not as happy as we were to see him!!!!) and there were lot’s of kisses. He went round and checked out all his favourite places then curled up on my lap and went to sleep. He was a bit subdued at first but is gradually returning to his old happy self. Only concern is I think the people who had him may have been hitting him as he flinched whenever we put a hand out to pat him. This too is gradually subsiding as he begins to realise he can trust us again. It is wonderful to have him home and I’d again like to thank the people who posted replies to my original comments as it really helped having people who understood what my daughter and I were going through.
September 22, 2012 at 6:32 am
Sid Korpi
Simply wonderful. Your steadfast love will take away any residual fears on his part. You’re all a very lucky family. So happy for you!
September 22, 2012 at 6:59 am
Sharon
Thanks Sid. He is already better today. We are very lucky and appreciate that fact very much. At least they had the sense to realise that they were not able to care for him and gave us the opportunity to have him back and didn’t just get rid of him. Not everyone would have done that.
October 9, 2012 at 12:41 am
Michael
My mom made me give away my puppy that I alone took care of, provided for, and loved. I’ve been having dreams in the middle of sleeping where I would be holding my puppy and crying, because she was dieing, and she would lick my face constantly, like she knew she was dieing. I would hold her in my arms and could feel the pulse in her heart slowing, and the more it slowed the more desperate her licking got. I could see the look in her eyes, like she didn’t want to go, and she was fighting with all she could, to stay with me so she could lick me longer. As time passed by her licking started to slow and she gave me one last lick on my nose and cheek, a very strong and firm one to tell me she is going to miss me and that I shouldn’t forget her. After she would die, I would wake up, wide eyed, and look around to see that my puppy is gone, and I would cry all night like she really did die because it felt so real to me. I couldn’t have the assurance of her licking my face and rubbing up against me anymore. I gave her away two weeks ago to a good family to avoid having my mom take her to the pound. The first week I felt a little heartache, but around when that second week hit, this started happening. I can’t get the scene out of my mind and I tear up everywhere I go. I’m trying my hardest not to go see my puppy around this time because she needs to detach from me and attach to her new family, but it’s hard. I fear I would start crying in front of the family and make them feel bad. Did this happen to anyone else? If it did, does it stop?
October 9, 2012 at 2:06 am
goodgriefpetloss
I am so very sorry for the pain you’re obviously experiencing. I’m not sure parents are always fully aware of the impact of their decision to take pets away from their children (of any age). At least you can feel good that your dog won’t be euthanized and that she has her needs for shelter, food and attention taken care of.
The dream you shared sounds like your subconscious mind is trying to represent to you the pain of separation and the ending of a relationship. The fact that you’re able to remember the details of the dream must mean a part of you has gotten strong enough to begin to really let go. It’s going to hurt, but you will heal. Don’t be afraid to cry as long as you feel the need to. You’ve suffered a great loss.
Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.
October 11, 2012 at 4:19 am
barbaratracie
i too am sorry doent people understand that love is love we who love pets love deeply more than most people and it kills us to loose our pets i know im still looking for a way to get my pets with me its been a week i havent been able to see them im emotionaly trashed, they are my life 5 years and boom i dont have them
October 11, 2012 at 1:35 pm
goodgriefpetloss
It’s brutal anyway you look at it. I’m so sorry.
October 17, 2012 at 8:19 am
Jobee
My partner’s kids recently tested positive for a number of allergies, including cats & dogs. We have the kids aged 6 & 5, 50% of each week. Rather than wait to go & see an allergist to find out what this means and what action should be taken, the ex demanded that our cat immediately be got rid of. Rosie was mine and I had her prior to moving in with my partner and forming a step-family. I mainly work from home, so am around Rosie for 5 days a week. It was hard for me to move into my partner’s house in the first place, as I’ve not only moved countries for him, but into an area that I really dislike. Rosie was the thing that helped me to adapt. On one of the kids we have rarely seen any symptoms (apart from perhaps 1-2 sneezes in the morning – we don’t know though if that’s from the cat, dust, housemites, or pollen etc??) and on the other kid we do occasionally see a reaction – eczema dots on hr face – if she directly kisses and cuddles the cat with her face in her fur. We tried to fight back saying that we need more information about all of the allergies before taking any action & asked the ex to join us to see an allegist. She said no as she feels that I was simply trying to manipulate the situation by finding an allergist that would say that I could keep my pet. In the end one of the children got totally worked up about the cat issue, throwing accusations at my partner/her daddy, saying that he didn’t love her if he hadn’t gotten rid of the cat, that we are making her sick & that her mummy had said that she could live with her full time if we didn’t take any action. Of course all of this broke my partner’s heart & his stress levels rose to the point that he felt that he had to take action. Rather than being able to take an informed decision, yesterday I had to give my cat to a friend before the kids come back to our house today. For me it would have been so much easier to have been able to make my own decision (or at least for us two adults to do so) and am feeling totally resentful that my life has not only been shattered by taking away the one thing that brings me so much joy and is mine within this new family dynamic, but by having others control my life.
October 17, 2012 at 2:38 pm
goodgriefpetloss
What a horrible situation! I am so very sorry. I know I’m an exception to most rules in most areas of life, but I couldn’t make a happy life anywhere or with anyone who would dictate to me what happens to my beloved pets. Couldn’t there have been a compromise, like putting the kitty in a back room when the kids are around and vacuuming with a HEPA filter? There are also allergy shot/pills that can help for the short time they’d be exposed. Your partner’s ex is really using this situation to stick it to you and your partner. That just plain stinks.
I hear your resentment, and I feel it’s amply justified. You’ve been denied any say or control over several very important parts of your life. Things like these, if not resolved in an adult, honest manner, tend to fester and explode at a later time. The only really innocent party in all this is your poor kitty. It’s at least fortunate you have a friend to take care of the cat. You can visit and maybe get your pet back at some point if the situation changes.
Now you see why I opted never to have children! 🙂
I wish you luck dealing with this and would love an update if anything changes. And again, I am so sorry.
October 17, 2012 at 3:55 pm
barbaratracie
i hear you, i woke up this morning angry that my 3 cats are not having coffee with me on the big patio and i have a door that could keep them in this part of the house but no i cant live here with my pets they are 5 years old they dont know any one but me im so angry i dont know how to deal with this i love my pets and they were trained by me and know over 25 words i feel sick right now
June 3, 2020 at 10:11 am
Joy Winton
I know that this is several years later, but here’s an update. That situation of me having to give my cat away, without any dialogue or further investigation around the kids’ allergies, was just too much for me and was, with hindsight, the start of the end of our relationship. It took another 4 years to get to that point, but i was just too resentful at not having any control over rehoming my pet. Since then I have rescued two elderly sister cats, who have now passed over and now have a dog and a new rescue kitten. I still get to see Rosie, who’s still with my friend, and has a fabulous life. An unfortunate life lesson that I can’t live a life without animals. I’m just not happy or complete.
October 17, 2012 at 5:56 pm
goodgriefpetloss
Sadly, this is what we true animal lovers too often have to face when confronted with those who just don’t understand the depth of our bond with our pets. It’s just wrong.
October 17, 2012 at 10:09 pm
barbaratracie
thank all of you this helps me to know im not alone even when i feel very alone, when i lost my kids years ago and i saved the 2 boys cats, for 5 years they have made me alive again now i feel dead and angry every tv commercial, or bird out side or bug i think of my cats i dont know how to deal with this i dont want to give them up and then win my ssdi case and get a home again with out them so im hopeing for my case to win soon,thank you all again for supporting me in this painful time
November 16, 2012 at 3:43 am
Michelle B.
I’m happy to have found this site. I’m up late Googling about grief because I just don’t know how to handle what I’m feeling. Long story short, I had two beautiful shar pei, a female named Nugget and a male named Bear. I got both as puppies and had them for five and four years respectively. Nugget liked to be close but Bear was my boy. I don’t think he was ever more than a few feet away from me, loved to cuddle, and even followed me into the bathroom. When I went into labor with my second daughter six months ago something changed. Everytime my husband left to come see me and our new baby at the hospital, Bear went beserk. When I was in labor he unlocked and opened the sliding glass door and the screen door and ran away. Everyone says he was trying to find me. The first thing I did when we got home with the new baby was bawl because I saw all the damage he had done and was afraid my husband would make me give him away. That was the beginning. Whenever I would leave after that, he would try to get out, sometimes just destroying a door way but three other times he again unlocked and opened the sliding glass door and ran away with Nugget following. Luckily, each time they were returned to us safely. Bear was very protective of me and didn’t let others, especially men, near me. I was also overly protective of him and kept him on a short leash, actually and figuratively. We live in a condo with no fenced in yard to run and they didn’t get along with other dogs. Because of Bear’s agression to other people and animals, I kept them both inside most of the time. I was afraid what he might do, although most of this was being over protective of him. I didn’t take the kids out because I felt guilty that the dogs were inside. Bear started getting more anxious and running away more often and I knew that he needed a better home. I found a home for both of them together with a man familiar with their breed and he had four acres with an invisible fence.
So, the dogs are in a better home, lots of room to run, doing things that dogs are supposed to do like digging for woodchucks and chasing deer versus sitting in a condo all day. They are so happy and I can see it in the pictures that their new loving owner sends me. I, however, sit up late at night crying because I feel gulity that I gave up on them, angry that they “made me” give them up, sad and lonely. The kids don’t miss them, which is good, but I’m horribly distraught. I’ve gone to see my therapist to help me and he says I’m grieving. Now, I don’t know what to do with that. I have so many feelings and none of them are the relief I thought I would feel from having two less “people” to worry about, literally.
This has gotten rather long, I apologize, and it doesn’t even do a good job of telling the story but, I appreciate you listening and helping me get a little of this out. I’ve gone through many Kleenex just typing. It feels good to let it out. I wonder when I will feel some relief instead of all the horrible feelings I have.
November 16, 2012 at 5:01 am
goodgriefpetloss
Thanks for sharing your story with us. I cannot tell you how many times people relate stories of how huge changes in their home lives wind up with their companion animals choosing to leave (be it in displaying unacceptable or unsafe behavior until they’re given away or put down; running away altogether; or dying rather suddenly). I think it’s because they’re in our lives to teach us certain things and in those times of transition, they feel their part in our life lessons is done. It doesn’t make any of this feel any better, but it is very, very common. At very least, you needn’t feel alone.
January 24, 2013 at 6:21 pm
Elise
I’m so glad I found this posting. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia after acquiring 2 dogs and recently have been faced with the decision to rehome them. I haven’t found homes for them yet, and guilt has been keeping me from making that choice more than any kind of logic. People are so unkind, telling me basically that if I was a good person, I would keep them regardless of the circumstances. I don’t think that’s true. Sometimes, I think that the right thing is to find them a new home. This is going to be harder on my husband than it is on me (he is closer since he has had to deal with 100% of their care for approximately a year now). We both need support and kind words and it seems like all I can find online is rants about how people who give away their pets are bad. We’ve had the dogs for 4+ years now. We surrender them with heavy hearts. Why can people not understand this and be kind? We are not going to solve the homeless animal problem by guilting those with disabilities into keeping animals that they cannot care for. I keep on having nightmares about my animals dying because I am unable to care for them. Walking away from them after all these years is going to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, and I am afraid we will do it alone, with 90% of our family/friends judging us harshly from the sidelines.
May 21, 2017 at 6:05 am
Monica
I hear you, we have just re-homed our cat and a shelter offered to place her on their Facebook site with no explanation except to say we had no room for her in our lives anymore which wasn’t true and set the stage for the most horrible abuse which made mine and my husbands mental health deteriorate rapidly. Now she has found a home with a loving animal loving couple we naturally are grieving but the scars of the abuse will be felt for some time. I wish you well. I know the post is old but felt the need to respond. Unfortunately it’s a very harsh judgmental world we live in now with people at the ready to make cruel comments totally lacking in empathy. Be kind to yourself and recover from it all.
February 2, 2013 at 6:41 pm
Joanie Martin
Thank you for this website. A year ago; I gave away my boxer dog to a wonderful couple with 4 children and they had another female named Bonnie. My boxer was named Clyde! It was a God-send, because I was moving to Uganda for church missions. The only reason at that moment I would of separated from my ‘child’, and I found out the very next day that I was NOT moving to Uganda…also after giving up my home & selling all my furniture too. So, taking him back home with me was not an option since I was sleeping on couches until I jumped on the plane.
I had been out of contact for about 8 mos; although I did write without a response. I moved out of State to heal & every day I thought about my dog & cried often. Finally, today I received a photo of Clyde with Bonnie. He looks great, and that makes me very happy and takes away some of the pain. I pray that the Lord heals me from my grieving and perhaps allows me to be in a home with a yard that I may have another boxer dog one day, to wake up laughing with and stops me from sleeping in. God bless you.
February 7, 2013 at 2:02 pm
Christina
Reading all these comments and replies just makes me want to cry. Today, I’ve made the painful decision of giving my cat, Socks, to my parents when I go visit them for Easter. I’ve had her since 2009 when she was a stray. She’s been through it all with me, and the thought of letting her go breaks my heart. I know it’s the right thing for her since I’m hardly home and my lifestyle has become busier. I take comfort in knowing that my family will have her, so when I visit them, I will see her as well. How do I enjoy these last several weeks with her, without changing my mind?
February 13, 2013 at 7:43 pm
goodgriefpetloss
You are indeed fortunate in that you not only know well the people who will be adopting your cat, but you can visit periodically as well. I had to do something similar in the past when I returned from college and intended to take my terrier-mix, Misty, to live with me and my fiancé. After only a short time in this new home, she made it abundantly clear this was not where she wanted to live. What’s more, my mother’s German shepherd, Major, was despondent without Misty. Within two days, I knew I had to give her back to my mom. Sometimes it’s not just our own needs we must consider, but our pet’s. You’re doing this by making sure Socks will have the attention she needs and deserves. You’re an unselfish pet “parent.” Talk frankly with Socks about your decision and let her know you’ve made it out of love for her. Remind yourself this is not goodbye forever, as you will presumably see your family from time to time. And hug the heck out of her in the meanwhile. Best of luck.
February 13, 2013 at 5:03 pm
pippa
I too have had to give up my cat . Just thinking about it makes me cry. They are collecting her next week but I have asked my partner if he can hand her over as I can’t bear to do it. To b honest, I don’t want to even be present when she’s goes, just can’t do it. Its something I have never done and I just worry and feel guilty but its best for her and my son who has autism xx
February 13, 2013 at 7:37 pm
goodgriefpetloss
My heart goes out to people who are put in this awful situation. My sister had to give up her beloved Siamese cats when he son was born with severe allergies. A few years later, his allergies diminished to the point she was able to adopt two more Siamese cats. It’s so hard to be forced to have to choose between two much-loved family members. You have my sympathies.
March 12, 2013 at 12:52 am
Kelly
I had a 4 year old lab named Rosey. Right after my husband and I got Rosey, his daughter had a fit because she wanted us to have a lap dog. She also said her son had allergies and specifically dog allergies. We never knew anything about this. Our lives have been hell since then, trying to hang on to Rosey and by trying to compromise with her. They live 6 hours away so we have always managed to make it work.
They came to visit two weeks ago. I was not here, but apparently my grandson had a reaction of some sort with watering eyes and sneezing. He finally asked to leave. He is 10.
My husband has informed me that Rosey has to go. He found her a home. I have been devastated by this. Rosey is gone and I am trying to deal with my anger and grief and sadness. I feel so alone. How do I move on? They have two dogs, one inside, one outside, but I had to give my baby away. How do I moved forward? I am such a dog person. The loss is tremendous.
March 16, 2013 at 4:21 pm
barbaratracie
I am someone who shares your pain i am sorry for your loss. i too had to give my 3 cats to someone and its been 6 mo and i am not over it i visit and i see the loss in them and me and yes i am angry i was forced to do that and i have tried to move on its hard love is love we dont shut it off unless your a sosciopath
March 16, 2013 at 4:54 pm
Sid Korpi
My heart goes out to anyone who is forced to relinquish beloved pets for any reason. So sorry for your loss, Barbara.
May 11, 2013 at 5:18 am
Patricvia
I had to give up our cocker spaniel Toby after having him for 7 years. Our daughter had to move in with us with her son and she is expecting in a couple of months. Toby has never been around little kids and had a difficult time adjusting to Karson. We found Toby getting stressed and couldn’t relax now that we have our grandson with us. Another is on the way and we just wondered how he would handle that. It’s the most difficult thing I had to do and have been crying for two days now. I never expected that it would be this hurtful and pray that eventually this will become easier. I only wanted Toby to be less stressful and I thought it would be better to have him in a new home where he won’t be so stressed and where we won’t be so stressed always watching him with out little grandson. For some reason, I have this feeling that he won’t be happy anywhere else but with me. I need to know that dogs move on faster than people and that he won’t feel stressed being away from home. I search for encouragement that Toby will just as happy as he was when he was here before all the change.
June 25, 2013 at 1:41 pm
goodgriefpetloss
Patricia,
I apologize for this terribly late reply. My computer was supposed to send me alerts when I had comments on my blog to respond to and it stopped doing it. I never knew you’d written. I am so sorry.
My condolences over the loss of your friend Toby. Though he’s likely thriving in a new home, nevertheless, it’s like a death you’re having to mourn. When I was very young, my family had to give up our cocker spaniel, Sporty, because he bit me. I know it was very difficult for my parents. (I was a bit too young to remember much.)
The sad thing is, a great number of pets wind up re-homed when a new baby enters the picture. This is particularly true when the breed is not known as being mellow and child-friendly. I’ve found that in times of great transition, such as births, divorces, moves, new careers, etc., pets my begin acting in ways that actually cause their humans to help them get out of the new situation. Perhaps their “job” with us is concluded and they must move on to be a teacher in someone else’s life now. At least Toby didn’t suddenly become ill and die. That, or accidental deaths, happen more often than you’d imagine, too. It’s a philosophical viewpoint on something that when felt up close is really painful. I hope you can reach the point wherein you can thank Toby for his love and service while he was with you and be glad for your own strength and selflessness in giving him a chance to feel secure in a child-free home once again.
Again, I am so sorry I hadn’t learned of your letter until now. Darned computer!
May 16, 2013 at 5:26 am
gayst
I have been struggling for four years to find a job. I also have nine rescue animals that I have done everything I can to provide for – 3 dogs, 5 cats and a wild starling with a deformed wing who can’t fly.
I just landed a job, a great job that I’m right for, but the pay is moderate and it involves a great deal of travel. I can’t afford to board or hiring adequate sitters for my dogs and leaving them at home alone for spans of up to 2 weeks, I know isn’t right or good for them.
My dogs are wonderful. They have meant everything to me and have been my best friends through some harrowing times, but I feel I must give them the chance to have better lives. I have to admit that I’ve been so poor I haven’t been able to afford proper vet care (for them or me…)
I have decided to take them to the Humane Society because they have great vet care and a good process for screening new owners. I don’t trust that I would be able to tell if strangers would be good owners or not and I’ve just moved to a new town and don’t know anyone, yet.
This is killing me. I never imagined I would ever do something like this with my beautiful dogs, but it seems the only responsible choice to make under the circumstances.
I am so sad, I can’t speak or stop crying. Thanks for your site and all the great people who have shared their stories. It has helped me to read them.
I am going to try to keep my cats and the bird. I pray I can work this out.
June 25, 2013 at 1:33 pm
goodgriefpetloss
Gayst,
I apologize for this late reply. My computer was supposed to send me alerts when I had comments on my blog to respond to and it stopped doing it. I never knew you’d written. I am so sorry.
I can tell from your message that you have an enormous heart and a very giving nature. Those are wonderful traits, but of course, as with all things, they come with a down side: you feel hurts and losses VERY deeply and suffer from them for a long time. I applaud you your efforts to find a job and hope this new one works out beautifully. It sounds like during your financial struggles, you let some essential care for yourself go by the wayside. (Believe me, I’ve been there myself and I do understand.)
Perhaps you can look at things this way: The universe sent you those wonderful dogs to support you emotionally through that dark and uncertain time in your life. Once things were aligned for you to take the first step on a new path, their “job” was done and you were intuitive and selfless enough to recognize this and give them all individual homes as a reward for what they’d been doing for you. Sometimes pulling WAY back and seeing these difficult circumstances from afar can give us a philosophical understanding and perhaps more acceptance of what’s happened as an ultimately good thing.
I hope that in all the time that’s passed you’ve begun to feel better about your decision and that your heart has healed.
Again, I am so sorry my alert system failed me. Darned computer!
May 21, 2013 at 10:53 pm
Shauna
We had to give up our sweet little yorkie 2 days ago. We have had her for 5 years since she was just a puppy. My husband and her did not mesh well and it has been an ongoing issue for a long time. I found a fabulous home for her with two other dogs her size and a retired couple who treat their dogs like their children. I know she will be infinitely happier there but I feel the loss of her in every little thing I do. The emptiness of my home is deafening to me. My three kids are busy and my husband works. She was my little companion and I am so crushed without her! I made arrangements to see her periodically at the dog park but now I found out that the sweet lady I gave her to told her husband that I left her in the backyard with a note asking them to please care for her. She says when I come to the dog park I should simply say ” I’m so glad you kept my dog and confess that I was the one who abandoned her.” This was not part of the deal when I gave her away and I feel funny about the whole situation. I want to visit her because I love her but I look.ike a terrible dog owner in this fabricated story! I would never abandon by dog like that and hate that one of her new owners thinks that I did. I a willing to do this so the kids and I can see her but this only adds to my stress.
I don’t really know how to move on from this. The funny thing is she drove me crazy sometimes how she would follow me everywhere even to the bathroom or lay on my yoga mat while I did yoga but without her I am so so sad. I expect her to be there and she isn’t. I just want to hold her and rub behind her little ears and feel her licks!! Please tell me this will go away.
June 25, 2013 at 1:27 pm
goodgriefpetloss
Shauna,
I apologize for this terribly late reply. My computer was supposed to send me alerts when I had comments on my blog to respond to and it stopped doing it. I never knew you’d written. I am so sorry.
What an awful trick the woman played on you! Evidently, honesty isn’t a big part of her relationship with her husband if she has to fabricate such stories to justify their adopting your dog. I don’t blame you for feeling bad about her new parameters and game-playing.
But, that said, I guess the most important thing is that your dog is being loved and well cared-for. Hopefully that fact will eventually make it easier for you to process the pain of loss. It’s such a strain on any relationship to have a beloved pet be the source of an ultimatum like the one you faced. I hope you and your husband have been able to talk this through. Perhaps someday HE can help you find another pet with whom he can also bond. Only do this once your own hurt feelings have healed sufficiently.
Again, I am so sorry for the delay in this reply. Darned computer!
May 29, 2013 at 8:28 pm
Emily K.
Thank you very much for sharing your story. My story is hard to share. I bought Finn, a golden retriever puppy, when he was only 7 weeks old (later found out this is not acceptable age to take a pup from his mother). I quickly found Finn was a very sick puppy. He was in the vet ER on only my second day with him. Over the next 8 months, I was in and out of the vet clinics with Finn. He has several medical complications. I have a good job and I was able to afford almost all of his medical bills. But because of that job, I work a lot of hours. One night after work, I came home to Finn and found he got sick during the day. He was in his kennel, trapped in his vomit and diarrhea. I was distraught. It was my fault. He was “crying” and I was crying, and I cleaned him and hugged him, but I knew right then and there, I could never let that happen to him again because of my time commitments, and it was getting very difficult to keep up with the medical costs. I surrendered Finn to an organization that promised to continue to figure out his medical issues and find him a good home. I’m having such a hard time letting go. It’s been about 4 days now since I surrendered Finn. I can’t eat or sleep. I even called the organization to ask if I could get him back because I missed him so much, but they said no. I know they are right. I don’t have the time and capacity to care for him. They told me that the foster family he is staying with wants to adopt him. That’s good. But I can’t let go of the thought that he is my puppy, not there’s. I have this sinking feeling in my stomach that is not subsiding. Will Finn be okay without me? Will he get better? Am I a bad person? Am I a failure? Will I ever be able to have a dog again?
June 25, 2013 at 1:20 pm
goodgriefpetloss
Emily,
I apologize for this late reply. My computer was supposed to send me alerts when I had comments on my blog to respond to and it stopped doing it. I never knew you’d written. I am so sorry.
First of all, let me say I really respect your decision to help Finn get well by giving him a home where he can be supervised and cared for in ways you simply COULD NOT (not that you WOULD NOT have if things were different). It was a very unselfish act, and he is a lucky dog to have had a human love him enough to want the best for him.
That being said, however, I know it doesn’t make you “feel” any better, less lonely, less guilt-ridden, etc. Your head did the exact right thing and now your heart is bearing the hurtful brunt of the aftermath. I am so very sorry for this loss you’re experiencing. Walking away from the unconditional love we get from our pets is one of the most anguishing things we can experience, no matter how noble our motives for doing so.
I can’t change the situation or make it better for you, but please know you have both my sympathy and my empathy. I hope time has helped you heal, and again, I apologize for my unawareness that you’d written so long ago. Darned computer!
June 12, 2013 at 4:36 am
Moriah
😦
June 12, 2013 at 4:57 am
Moriah
Hi, My name is Moriah. 😦 I am 11 years old, and i had to give up my dog 😦 he meant EVERYTHING to me. 😦 i keep praying and asking god….asking him can i EVER get him back. His name is Coco. But the rescue spells it like Cocoa. Coco was my FIRST dog. I pray, and i pray. I know that sometimes prayers might take a while to be answered but it’s been 4months! Can u please pray for me? I need it. PLEASE! If u dont mind can u take a look on google images? You dont know my story! Sometimes, i wanna DIE from this. Ever since i had to give him up, bad stuff started happening. My friends left me with nobody! Ok? NOBODY! Im sorry for the caps-locks. School was getting worse and worse. Whenever i went home to cry, who would i share my tears with? Whenever im sad, lonely, who would i share that with? NOBODY! THERE WILL NEVER BE A DOG LIKE COCO! NEVER! I wish my mom could win $1,000,000 so she can say that she will give them a certain # of money if they would just PLEASE give them my dog back. Sometimes i dream of me going on the news and they will make them have my dog back ; or even a whole bunch of people cheering saying “GIVE THEM THEIR DOG BACK!!” Okay, well im gonna go now, can you just try to tell your friends or maybe even anybody u possibly can to pray for me? Please? Im gonna need the help. Well, god bless and i hope that one day a miracle happen to all of these sorrow souls that left a scar in your hearts, a scar that stayed there forever….like me :(.
June 25, 2013 at 1:15 pm
goodgriefpetloss
Moriah, I apologize for this late reply. My computer was supposed to send me alerts when I had comments on my blog to respond to and it stopped doing it. I never knew you’d written. I am so sorry.
I don’t know the circumstances that led to your having to give up Coco, but regardless, I can certainly see how deeply hurt and upset you are and for that I am very sorry. It’s clear Coco was a steadfast friend and more reliable than the human kind. (Unfortunately, that often seems to be the case.)
Please don’t consider wanting to die, though. Coco would NEVER want that to happen to you! If you seriously ever feel that dark again, PLEASE tell your mom, a teacher, a counselor or another trusted adult. Promise me you will reach out for support from someone you can be face-to-face with. You reached out to me, which was very good, and again, I feel awful that I didn’t receive word that you’d written earlier.
You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers, and I hope your pain lessens with every day that passes.
Best,
Sid
June 19, 2013 at 10:42 pm
Dee
I am giving up my chihuahua today because even though I am no longer dealing with cancer (I’ve gone through 3 types) my immune system is so compromised and I have been very ill from spinal meningitis and liver disease. He needs to be around other dogs and running in the park and playing. I’m too exhausted to do it. So I found this wonderful organization and they are giving him a loving home with other dogs. But I am overcome with sadness. Yes, I know I am doing the right thing for him, but how will I get along without him? We have been together for 11 years. I keep on saying to not be selfish and let him have some fun and play. How do you get past the big lump in your throat and the burning tears in your eyes? They are coming in an hour and I am trying so hard to keep it together. Thank you so much for your article. I will keep reading it over and over until I start to feel better. Dee
June 25, 2013 at 1:09 pm
goodgriefpetloss
Dear Dee,
I apologize for this late reply. My computer was supposed to send me alerts when I had comments on my blog to respond to and it stopped doing it. I am so sorry.
What you have already gone through, with your cancer and other illnesses, is more than anyone should have to. To compound that suffering with having to give up a beloved pet is almost unthinkable. Your love for your chihuahua is phenomenally strong, and I thoroughly respect your selflessness in wanting him to have a full life. What a difficult decision that had to have been! I don’t know if being kept informed of how he’s doing or being able to visit him from time to time is possible or even the best thing for you. Only you can know if that contact would help or hurt you more. Just know I am so sorry for your loss and will be holding you and your furry friend in my thoughts and prayers.
June 25, 2013 at 3:53 pm
Dee
Thank you so much. It has been so hard this past week, but during that time, they have sent photos and even a short video of him playing with new friends and she said he is so well behaved. I want him back so much; I miss my baby. But it helps to see he is going out for walks and having a blast instead of having to be on my bed day after day. This is only the first step – the board president has him in her home right now with her doggy family and she said he is loved by everyone there. The next step is that they are looking for a permanent home for him. I wish he could stay with her and not be shuttled to another place, but they are very good in research and a good fit.
You are right, I don’t know if I could see him right now – it would hurt me too much. But the emails, photos and even the little video helps a little to know he is content and not unhappy or frightened. Thank you so much for your response and prayers; it really touches my heart.
Warmly,
Dee
June 25, 2013 at 4:56 pm
goodgriefpetloss
Dee,
I’m so glad you were given evidence that your dog is adjusting well to his new circumstance. Animals are often far more resilient than we give them credit for, mostly because we project onto them what basket cases WE would be in those situations. Thank goodness they’re not totally human! 🙂
I’m also glad my computer decided to alert me to THIS message!
Take care and know you did what you did out of purest love.
Best, Sid
June 25, 2013 at 10:51 pm
Dee
Thank you, Sid! I will update with news. I appreciate your understanding and support. I cry only once a day now, but try to get through the storm and move forward. It will take some time, I guess. Thank you again 🙂 Dee
July 9, 2013 at 2:46 am
Henza
Hello i had to give away my 7 year boxer 2 days ago due to moving away to another country and not having enough funds to rent a house with a yard. She is in a loving home but she has been sad and is not letting the new owners approach her. I tried to get her used to her new home by bringing her there a few times but she is still sad. I want to go and see her in 2 weeks’ time before i leave the country but i am not sure if it will be good for her or not.
I keep wondering how she is sleeping, what she is feeling and if she is cold or lonely. This is so hard.
August 26, 2013 at 4:24 pm
goodgriefpetloss
I’m sure your boxer went through a period of mourning, as did you. But animals live in the moment, more so than we humans. She is no doubt adjusting well to her new circumstances even though she will always lovingly remember you. Dogs don’t judge us or our motivations. They are accepting and loving no matter what. I hope things have worked out for you both.
July 25, 2013 at 6:38 pm
Arqam
hey i m going thru the very same loss even thou i m in the same country its not financially possible for me to take my three beautiful cats and im very sad and burst into tears thinking if i will ever see them again or not nd whether they will get the same love i gave them it made me feel better after reading the article about tht we are giving some one else a gift i hope they will be happy cuz mama loves them 🙂
August 26, 2013 at 4:21 pm
goodgriefpetloss
I am sorry for your loss. It is never easy to lose friend/family members, be they human or feline. I hope you can eventually be glad they are being well cared for. Perhaps someday you’ll be in a position to better afford pets and can pay back your previous cats by giving a good home to another needful companion animal. Best of luck.
August 4, 2013 at 6:56 pm
Bree
I have to give up my 2 guinea pigs. I have had them 2 years and I’m sobbing my eyes out.. The main reason is because we can’t afford them… They were my first pet that i fully owned. I know that they will be in a good home, but I can’t bear not having them…
August 26, 2013 at 4:20 pm
goodgriefpetloss
You have my condolences. Giving up our beloved friends is an agonizing thing. I hope your heart has begun to heal, knowing they will still be in a good, loving home. Best of luck.
August 16, 2013 at 8:05 pm
Bella
It is 1.5 years later and I am still grieving. My boy is fine, living with another family. But I cry almost every day.
August 26, 2013 at 4:27 pm
goodgriefpetloss
I thoroughly understand how important our companion animals are to us but if you are seriously crying almost every day, you may have an underlying depression this loss has triggered. If your emotions are in any way impairing your ability to function on a daily basis, please seek out the help of a counselor or support group like Emotions Anonymous. You don’t have to continue to be in this much pain. Your pet wouldn’t wish that for you and doesn’t judge your actions or motivations. Best of luck.
September 8, 2013 at 3:26 am
Kai O
I had to give up my baby, Onyx (mini poodle mix) today. It has been one of the hardest days of my life. Many times I wanted to go and get him back, but I know he is better off with his new family who has time for him. I’ve had him since he was 4 months, he is two now. It felt like I was losing my child. I hope the pain goes away, it is really becoming unbearable…everytime I think about him I cry.
September 15, 2013 at 11:34 pm
goodgriefpetloss
I am so sorry for your pain. Sometimes when we choose to do what is clearly in the best interest of our pets it can still hurt tremendously because we are forced to experience tremendous loss as a result. My advice is to cry whenever you feel the need to; don’t deny those feelings. And hope that someday your life will be in a different place so you will be able to give the time and attention another dog will need from you. Good luck.
October 23, 2013 at 3:25 pm
Jennifer
I understand your pain and am dealing with the same situation with a dog I had named Dallas that I had raised since he was 8 weeks old and I had to give him up when he was 1 year and a half. Unfortunately the ache and pain is always there, to look at pictures and videos of him and realize he is just a memory and I cry everytime I look at them. It’s been 6 painful months since I gave my precious dog up and I still miss him everyday as I know you miss your dog very much. Time does heal pain but the only thing that gets me through is knowing he is loved and cared for and that I did the only thing I knew that was right. Praying also helps and I hope that this eases some of your pain. So sorry for your loss. Take care.
September 14, 2013 at 8:33 pm
Faith
I already had a Yorkie. Then one day my dad came home with a West Highland Terrior. She belonged to the man my dad worked for and she was the most beautiful dog I had ever seen. It was love at first sight. I loved my new girl. Now we have had her for about 2 months. My parents really don’t have the spark in them anymore. She isn’t pad or outside trained, so they get frustrated real easily with her. I had a nightmare that they gave her away and that another family had MY GIRL. My mom told me nightmares don’t come true. She promised. So imagine my horror when my mom told my dad that she wanted more than anything to give her away. That was about an hour ago. I was devistated! What should I do? They’re making plans and talking about who they could give her to. This CAN’T be happening!!!!!!!!
September 15, 2013 at 11:32 pm
goodgriefpetloss
As I don’t know your age or living arrangements, I can’t really comment on what recourse you may have. If you’re a minor, you may have no choice but to let your parents make this painful decision—unless you can step up and get the dog potty trained and take over her care so your parents won’t think she’s so much of a burden. If you’re of age to live on your own and take your dog with you, then I’d recommend you start looking for housing. Either way, I am sorry for what you are facing. It would give me nightmares, too, to have someone else have such control over the welfare of my dogs.
September 16, 2013 at 1:16 am
DogLover
I have had my beloved German Shepherd for 2 years. We rescued him and it was love at first sight. He became a part of our family from day 1. It was almost like he breathed a sigh of relief that he had found his family. He loved us with all his heart, and we loved him as much.
We moved to a new house literally 5 houses away from our old house. About a month after, he started acting funny and very protective from behind the gate, especially when people would enter the driveway. He bit a man who stopped over to say hello. We immediately called our trainer who assured us it was likely nervousness from the move and new home. We did some more training and felt he was calming down. Yesterday, he bit again, and we are now in the position of having to give him back to the rescue organization, because we just can’t have a dog who bites. He is so loving, sweet and affectionate and I am having trouble reconciling that with these two bites. It is so hard because I know he will still be around, wondering why we abandoned him. I don’t even know how to grieve someone who is still here. My heart is broken.
September 16, 2013 at 4:31 pm
DogLover
I have had my beloved German Shepherd for 2 years. We rescued him and it was love at first sight. He became a part of our family from day 1. It was almost like he breathed a sigh of relief that he had found his family. He loved us with all his heart, and we loved him as much.
We moved to a new house literally 5 houses away from our old house. About a month after, he started acting funny and very protective from behind the gate, especially when people would enter the driveway. He bit a man who stopped over to say hello. We immediately called our trainer who assured us it was likely nervousness from the move and new home. We did some more training and felt he was calming down. Yesterday, he bit again, and we are now in the position of having to give him back to the rescue organization, because we just can’t have a dog who bites. He is so loving, sweet and affectionate and I am having trouble reconciling that with these two bites. It is so hard because I know he will still be around, wondering why we abandoned him. I don’t even know how to grieve someone who is still here. My heart is broken.
September 26, 2013 at 11:48 pm
anonymous
(and I know this sounds funny) but today I had to give away a rabbit beacause we are moving and can’t take him and most people say its only a rabbit but I got emotionaly attached to him and when we came home I cried (a lot) and I called my best friend and my sister but they both said its only a rabbit so I found this website and I know its mostly about cats and dogs but its helped me a lot….thanks… (-:
October 10, 2013 at 2:09 pm
Shane
Hi, I work at a secure office place and the boss insisted we get two dogs. I was completely against it because I knew full well that we did not have the time to offer the required care, love and dedication to them. At first we had a worker who lived on the premises but he moved away so myself and the boss took turns to take care of Nico and Jade especially over the weekends. I found myself (as a lover of animals) drawn so attached to the two of them that I always played, petted and fed them even during the day. I honestly love them dearly. I appeared to be the only one interested in their well being and I actually looked forward to be at the office (even on weekends) solely for being with the two of them. My selfish boss “suddenly” felt that we had made a mistake in getting the dogs (“Suddenly” occured when I was away for one weekend and he had to feed them in his own time) and gave them away to a farm owner. I asked if I could atleast take them home with me because I love them and regard as my own, but he refused saying that my yard wasn’t suitable for them. I cant help but feel that he committed a real act of spitefulness and selfishness. Although the puppies were only 17 and 14 weeks and will most likely forget me very soon, I cant help but miss them so incredibly much. The worst thing is that it seems like I’m the only one who truly misses them. I feel really upset with the situation and cannot find a bright side to this.
October 17, 2013 at 11:03 pm
Wendy
We recently moved to amuch smaller home and my kids have been sneezing and wheezing like crazy. We have learned that they are allerigic to our cat. It wasnt as noticable in our larger house because the cat stayed in certain areas. Im afraid that we have to find a way to find another home for her. My kids will be devastated, but I cant watch them be unhealthy. How can I help them cope without resentment? We all love her but…….. HELP!
October 19, 2013 at 8:28 am
Kayla Danielle (@KayMadewell)
I am very sorry and I am praying for everyone who has lost their pet. I know exactly the pain, and it’s unbearable. I am needing advice on ways to cope better. My mom and I recently lost our dog, we were very attached to him, he was like a part of our family. We are grieving tremendously over it. We are also very upset that we have to find our puppy a new home, for emotional and financial reasons. We know it’s what is best for him, so we are trying to put our feelings aside and think of what is best for him. It’s still very hard though, especially since we just lost one of our dogs, and are grieving still, and now we have to go through more pain of giving away our puppy. I know loss and giving away are two very separate things, but they are both still very hard to go through. I am worried that we are also going to grieve after we give him away. We worry he won’t be taken care of well and won’t get a lot of attention, and he craves attention. I know he is in good hands with us, but I’m going to worry everyday if he is really in good hands or not, when we give him away. We are just huge dog lovers, and every dog deserves to be treated gentle and with respect, so it would tear us apart knowing if we sent him to a bad home. We are making sure though, that we find him a good home, we want to meet the person first and see how they interact with him, before making our decision, so we won’t worry, or feel guilty if he did go to a bad home. We have maybe found him a good home, and we are actually meeting her tomorrow. My mom and I are already feeling very upset. Also, just knowing tonight might be the last time we see him, is very hard on us. I just feel like if we are already this upset and worried, that we will grieve after we give him away. We are also worried he might grieve, but with him being a puppy, maybe he won’t. We are going to tell the people we meet, if he does grieve, we want him back, because no dog deserves that. My grandma is also grieving some too over all of this. So please, if anyone can give me advice for my family and I on ways to cope better, it would be greatly appreciated. We know grieving is normal to feel through times like these, but I know advice will help us a lot. I will also share the advice with my mom and grandma too, as they really need it too, just as much as I do right now. Also if you don’t mind please keep my family and I, and our puppy we are about to give away, and our other dogs we have had for a very long time, in your prayers. One of our other dogs is also grieving some over the loss of our dog, and we are worried he might grieve some more when we give away our puppy, we are worried he might feel lost some without. I will always continue to pray for everyone else who has lost their pet or has to give their pet away, I know they both hurt so much. So, I have sympathy and understand completely on how it feels. Thanks for your time reading this.
November 1, 2013 at 1:07 pm
M. Y.
I found a hungry kitten in the middle of our parking lot 6 weeks ago. At first, she would hiss at me, but with persistence I got her to trust me enough to come to my house daily to get food and water. Within days, I was in love. I am 45 years old, and never had children, but my indoor cat is my first “child” and my adoration. Now I found myself bonding with this kitten. She was my new baby. 3 weeks later, I decided to bring her into my home because I was worried that it was going to start getting cold outside. I took her to the vet for her vaccines, medicine, etc. Unfortunately, she didn’t get along with my 9 year old male cat, and it was causing him depression and stress. They were fighting a lot. I knew I had to find a home for her. 3 days ago, I dropped her off in her new home, along with her scratcher, bed, litter box, and lots of other things that she had gotten used to. I hoped that the scent of these things would ease her transition. When my husband let her out of the carrier, she ran, cried and hid. We found her, and she ran, cried and hid again, under a recliner. I hated leaving her that way. Well, I haven’t stopped crying since. Even though she is in a loving home, I feel that she will always wonder why her “mommy” just dropped her off somewhere and left her. A few hours before I dropped her off, she was sitting with me on the sofa and “grooming” me as well as herself. She followed me around everywhere I went for 6 weeks. She loved me and grew to confide in me, and I feel like I betrayed her trust. I will never be able to explain to her in words that I put her in a new home for her own happiness. I hate that after 6 weeks of trying to make her happy, the last memory that I have of her is that she was terrified and howling with sadness. I don’t think that most people understand that this is even worse than giving up a child because at least when a child gets older, you can explain the situation to them (if you have the opportunity to see them again). This beautiful little girl kitty will never know why I “abandoned” her after she adopted me as her mother. I know that it was only 6 weeks, but when you give and love with all your heart, time doesn’t matter. I will never forget her. My bond with her in my heart will never be broken. I am even resenting myself, my husband and my other cat because we could not make it work. I don’t even know if I ever want another pet again, because I will always think of her and say “why couldn’t we keep her? She should be our pet”. Is this normal? I am having incredibly intense feelings about this. Thank you for having this website.
February 8, 2014 at 4:46 pm
goodgriefpetloss
M.Y.,
I can certainly hear all your pain, and I am very sorry for what you’ve gone through. It sounds like the choice you made, though hugely painful, was made with the needs of both your pets in mind. That’s selfless and loving. I can promise you that animals don’t carry resentment the way we humans do. The kitten will adjust to a new home as long as she’s given love, care and attention. She doesn’t “hate” you. She only knows that whatever was causing her fear and anxiety is over and is likely grateful to you. Sometimes, we’re meant to be in an animal’s life for a short time, and vice versa, for the lessons we have to teach and learn. Give all the love you can to your 9-year-old and do your best to forgive yourself. You didn’t fail the kitten. You were her interim caregiver until the time was right for her to find her forever home. I’m just sorry this hurt you so deeply in the process. Wishing you the best.
November 4, 2013 at 11:24 pm
adayinthelifeofaroyal
Thank you so much for this story, even though it’s the beginning process of grieving for me. Just this morning around 10:15 I had to give up my German Shepard due to the fact that I am moving into a place that doesn’t allow big dogs. I was supe reluctant to give her up since she was the first dogs and me my boyfriend now fiancé had gotten we had her when she was just a puppy and she was almost a year when we have her up today, she was our first and kinda like the start of a family for us. Well this morning when I was getting her ready to go with her new owner I cleaned her up and of course cried. When the guy came to pick her up I put on my brave face and went to greet the guy he saw her liked her a lot then went to put her in the car I have him her favorite Mario toy stuffed animal and he left. Just like that she was gone. I closed my gate walked inside and immediately started crying my fiancé being right there held me and comforted me but all it felt like was that I couldn’t breathe, and like my heart was ripped out. I had to go to work this morning to and was sad and am still feeling sad, but I know she’s with a good family and her new owner sent me this text shortly after: They r getting along great. At first she was a littke scared but now they are running around the back yard having a blast. And ur right omg she drinks and eats a lot . I had to smile because I’m glad she has another big dog she can play with you get the love and attention still. So I’m still coping but I know I will be ok.
February 8, 2014 at 4:40 pm
goodgriefpetloss
I’m so glad you are on the path to healing from this loss. I know only too well what a hole is left in our lives when our pets and we must part. You obviously put your dog’s needs ahead of your own and that took great strength and love on your part. I wish you speedy healing.
November 18, 2013 at 8:56 am
tony
i had 2 of my dogs literally stolen from me drove all over my state searching for them never found them. over a year later i got my new puppy ziggy and now i have to give him away because im having a kid and moving away and the house wont let us have 2 dogs so me and my girlfriend decided to have my dog go as zori is a guard dog and will keep us and our hme protected. i cant even look at ziggy now because i know i have to get rid of him and everytime i look at him i burst into tears. its killing me!!!!!!!!! he was my companion when no one else cared about me and has kept me together. now i lose 3 dogs of mine 2 stolen one forced from me.
November 18, 2013 at 8:57 am
tony
i had 2 of my dogs literally stolen from me drove all over my state searching for them never found them. over a year later i got my new puppy ziggy and now i have to give him away because im having a kid and moving away and the house wont let us have 2 dogs so me and my girlfriend decided to have my dog go as zori is a guard dog and will keep us and our hme protected. i cant even look at ziggy now because i know i have to get rid of him and everytime i look at him i burst into tears. its killing me!!!!!!!!! he was my companion when no one else cared about me and has kept me together. now i lose 3 dogs of mine 2 stolen one forced from me…
February 8, 2014 at 4:38 pm
goodgriefpetloss
Tony,
You have my deepest sympathies about your sad situation. That’s a ton of loss and huge life changes you’re facing all at once. It’s no wonder you’re hurting and experiencing strong emotions. I hope the pain has lessened over time and that someday, when your circumstances allow it, you’ll have a chance to invite another needful animal into your heart and home. Best of luck to you and your new family.
December 14, 2013 at 11:59 pm
angie
Just love the article while reading it I just started to ball.As of 2days ago I had to give my
dog away he is 4 years old and a rott mix and was the most loving dog ever my circumstances came to we had just moved into a new upstairs apartment in October. Well the tenant down stairs complained to the landlord about him barking witch was rarely the case I can say he’s only barked when someone knocked on the door and that only happen a few times cause after that we just told everyone just come in.So the landlord called us and told us either we get rid of the dog or move! So we had no choice to give him a new home.not a day goes by that I don’t think of my semp.But the family that is giving him a loveable home they have 4 kids and lots of land so I know he is happy and they told me that I can come see him anytime so I’m great full for them allowing me to visit! Won’t be a good B-day for me Sunday or a good Christmas 😦 But thank you again for allowing all of us to share our stories!!!!
February 8, 2014 at 4:36 pm
goodgriefpetloss
Angie,
I know the forced decision you had to make was a terribly painful one. It’s tough to share a building with other people when you have a pet because you can’t know how that pet behaves when you’re gone. Perhaps someday you’ll have your own home where you can invite in another needful animal and not have to be at the whim of other tenants or a landlord. You have my condolences for the hurt you’re experiencing.
December 15, 2013 at 8:02 am
Ivey
Just a few months ago i had to leave my German Shepherd Pit Bull Mix with my parents. Before I go into detail, Freyja was the first dog i had ever had. I mean My family had had a dog before but a small cocker spaniel beagle mix. Yet still I had never had a dog that was mine, all mine. Then one day about 6 months ago my parents found this beautiful brindle pup, who was a mix of my two favorite breeds, and i begged and begged until they said i could keep her. I was ecstatic. I immediately got on Skype with my boyfriend who was currently living across the country who i was to move in with soon and he was reluctant, but gave into her adorableness. I had a lot of rough times training her, what with how hyper she was and having to deal with my lack of knowledge of large dog care. I screwed up in a lot of ways. But i always did my best and I loved her with every fiber of my being. I spent every minute of the day with that dog. I would usually wake up to her being stretched out along the length of my body, back paws pushed onto my face. And when you start a morning like that, how can the day possibly go wrong? She was everything i ever wanted. Everything I ever imagined in a dog, everything i could possibly dream of! She was my soul pup. Then I went to visit my boyfriend for a month for my birthday, and things went down the drain. She had to stay home with my parents, and they did not know how to handle her. After all the careful instructions and demonstrations i gave them, they wouldn’t take care of her right and she just would not have it. I came back to a dog i barely knew. I worked diligently to repair the damage in her training caused by them, but she just was different. Then fights started. Miscommunication, misunderstandings, hostility, and it was wearing on Freyja, it was wearing on me. My boyfriend arranged for a flight ticket, and we couldn’t afford the extra hundred to bring Freyja. I tried my hardest to find her a home, and with how big dog fighting was in my town I couldn’t out an ad in the paper or online. I contacted everyone i knew. An old friend said he could take her, then I found out he used to dog fight. I was right back to square one and my flight was in three days. Finally the day came I had to leave.I played fetch with her for 15 minutes and hugged her and kissed her more than i ever had. I told her I loved her and she had to be good and walked out the door. I heard her barking for me until i got in my moms car. A month went by and still no luck and my parents were at their wits end. My dad took her to the city shelter which was luckily a no kill shelter, and dropped her off. He called me and told me the people who worked there fell in love with her and said they’d have no problem finding her a home. But I feel like the worst piece of trash on Earth. I feel like I left my child on the side of the road with no explanation. I want to call the shelter and see how she is and if she found a home yet, but i’m terrified to face them. I’m terrified to admit to the crime i committed against my beautiful beast. I just want my baby back but i know it will never happen, it can’t happen. We’re both living with his parents, looking for full time jobs and trying to get life started from the very bottom, and I couldn’t properly the care of her in this state. I feel like I can never love again and like no dog could ever compare to her. I only want my sweet loving girl with the perfect brindle coat and the big brown eyes and giant paws. How do i go about living with this pain and regret? How will I ever go about getting a new dog and not holding them to her standards?
February 8, 2014 at 4:33 pm
goodgriefpetloss
Ivey,
The fact that you’re going through the gamut of grief emotions is perfectly understandable. There ARE similarities between having to give up a pet and giving up a child for adoption, but it’s clear you did this from a place of selfless love for your dog. Obviously, the situation was going down hill for all involved, and it’s wise of you to admit the timing simply wasn’t right for you to have a dog like this until your own life gets settled. Give your heart time and trust when you’re really ready, the universe will make you cross paths with the next dog who needs to be in your life. I wish you all the best.
January 15, 2014 at 11:43 pm
Mallory Williams
I am 55 years old and a grandma of 2 young children that I keep on weekends. I had a 5 month old yorkie that needed the same attention as my grands. I would sometimes separate the grands from my puppy because of biting and potty. I gave my puppy away basically and I am heart broken. I miss her every day I cry. She meant more to me than I thought. She is living with her groomer. I asked if I could have her back but the groomer aid no because her family is in love with her. It is so hard I offered to buy her back. I now realize my mistake. I should have continued to work with the kids and my puppy. Things don’t always stay the same. Oh it hurts.
February 8, 2014 at 4:28 pm
goodgriefpetloss
It is so difficult to manage the kids vs. pets situation. I know you’re hurting and miss your dog. It’s perfectly natural to mourn that loss. But you might want to consider another option. You might opt to adopt a young adult dog of a breed that is known to do well with kids, such as a golden retriever. (Puppies are enormous work and require more attention that a dog that’s more mature.) Generally speaking, terriers can be hit or miss in the kids department. Two of my four Westies, who are great with adults, really dislike children and can get nippy and aggressive. You will never “replace” the yorkie you gave up, but you can open your heart to another needful animal that might enjoy the company and attention of your grandkids. I wish you all the best and hope you’ll keep me posted if you wind up with another dog in the future.
February 14, 2014 at 4:48 pm
ashley
Thank you for addressing this issue with compassion. I have had several friends in a situation that they needed to find new homes for their pets. I must admit, I was judgmental and couldn’t understand how they could make the choice to give up a pet that they CHOSE to adopt. Well, now my family and I are in a place where we have no other option but to re-home our dogs. Our two wonderful dogs (our German Short-haired Pointer and our Lab mix) will be going to a new home in 3 days. It has been undoubtedly the most heart-wrenching experience I’ve had with a family pet. When they are happy and your family is happy with them, it feels so wrong to give them up. We can no longer afford them as we are expecting another child and will be going from two incomes to one. We’ve tried to trim our budget and find ways to cut corners to make it work, but in the end we literally can’t spare a penny. We decided that instead of scraping by, changing their diet, they living conditions and our own stress levels, it was better for us all for them to have a new home. It’s taken a full year for us to get up the courage to make the move and we are just feeling so guilty and like we are letting them down. I know they’ll be loved and doted on, but I worry about them missing us and feeling like we’ve left them. We’ve had no outlet to really grieve because our extended family and friends are VERY apposed to our giving them up to another family. Yet none of them have offered to accept them for us. There is a LOT of judgement from people about giving up pets. We’ve always had dogs, and they’ve always been rescue dogs. I think that is perhaps why we’re feeling so guilty about uprooting them again. They’ve been with us for 5 years, and we really had no idea how our lives would change in such a short amount of time. Basically, I’m just very relieved and comforted to find others who know what we’re going through.
May 12, 2014 at 8:38 pm
goodgriefpetloss
You bring up a really important issue that surrounds this heartbreaking action: Other people’s judgment. When you are an animal lover and rescuer, it’s especially hard to wrap our heads around anyone willingly giving up a pet. But as you’ve pointed out, sometimes life throws us curve balls we cannot possibly anticipate that make us join that same group of people we would otherwise curse and despise. You’ve helped show how painful the circumstance is from the human’s side, too. Not everyone who has to re-home their pets is doing so because they are selfish or lazy or just cruel. I send you and your dogs best wishes for a peaceful transition to your new living situations.
March 10, 2014 at 10:43 pm
Ashley
I have a 9 month old black lab puppy named Coach. He is the best, loving guy and I absolutely adore him. When I got him I was living with my cousins that I’ve lived with for the last 7 years and they also got Coach’s sister. My cousin is a stay at home mom and the puppies were able to play together on our sport court every day while she was home. Circumstances changed and I had to move out a couple weeks ago. Coach has adapted wonderfully to the move despite the schedule changes that I had to impose on him. With my work and training schedule and being on my own, I have had to get him up at 4:45 a.m. to feed him, walk him and then he is fenced off in my room with a long hall and the bathroom with his bed and kennel while I am at work till 5:30 p.m. Immediately when I get home we go for a long walk and then I have to leave for training again for about an hour so he has to go back into his area. Again when I get home we go for a couple more short walks before it’s time for bed. I spend every moment at home loving him up and petting him because I feel horrible that he is inside for so long every day. It’s breaking my heart thinking that he is inside that long every day while I am at work. I want to do what’s best for him and I don’t think that is with me. I have a family friend that would take him for their family and they have two young kids, she is a stay at home mom and her husband is a retired firefighter. It’s breaking my heart to even think about giving him up but I want to make sure he is in the best situation. Do I give him to my friend or will he be happy with me and our circumstances? Please help. 😦
March 21, 2014 at 7:05 am
Jeanette
I am so sorry to hear about all of your stories. I came across this post in hopes to make me feel better about having to give up my 2 pit bulls. I moved to arizona from FL and gave my cat to my mom. He was my first cat and I was so attached. I loved that guy . So The first month of neing in AZ I adopted a mocha(11 month),I needed my furry friend to suirvive! She’s beautiful chocolate brown color and 1 floppy ear that stays down. I grew so close to her. My husband couldn’t be away from her. She was our child. Lol then we met a lady who was doing some fishy things with her dogs and I said nope I am not leaving this puppy here to fend for himself, so I took him home.(Marley4mo) They instantly clicked. Best dogs in the world. They are so excited to see me everytime I walk through the door.(They are laying next to me as I write this) so anyway I’m moving and no where accepts pit bulls. Its heartbreaking. My husband says maybe it works out because we need to save money but I just don’t have the heart to give them away. I have been crying for days knowing in the next few weeks they will be gone. I can’t stand this pain. I’m driving my husband crazy with how mopey I have become. ( I actually told him to find his own place bc I don’t want to give up my furry babies, wasn’t the best choice of words) lol I was just so angry. I know if I give them to the local pitbull rescue they will be in great hand, I just want them to be together. I know I’m over reacting and I shouldn’t have told my husband what I said but I just can’t let them go!! 😦
May 12, 2014 at 8:48 pm
goodgriefpetloss
Jeanette, I totally understand what you said in the heat of the moment. I am so completely devoted to my pets, my husband was warned when we were just dating that my animals will always come first and he should only be with me if that worked for him. Evidently it does because we have seven pets, four of which are dogs, and he comes in the house after work and greets them all before saying hello to me. 🙂
It’s so hard when all members of a breed of dog are summarily judged as dangerous. There is no denying pit bulls can be either awesome dogs or ferocious killers, depending on their own genetic makeup and how they are raised/treated by humans. My heart goes out to you and your husband both. The people involved in these rescue organizations are passionate about finding excellent homes for these dogs, so at least you can know you’re doing the very best thing you can about an intolerable situation.
Perhaps wherever you move you can volunteer at a shelter or offer to walk/play with pit bulls in rescue homes, just to get a fix and feel you’re giving back in some way. I hope someday you’ll be in a situation to rescue more needful animals. Best of luck to you.
May 8, 2014 at 6:49 pm
Adriana
I purchased a bunny rabit about 6 to 7 months ago, and she was just a few months old and i recently rescued a puppy 3 days ago, and my father dislikes dogs so much she is only 3 months old, she gets along with the bunny I am always with them and the bunny stays in her cage when my puppy is out, but this morning I get a text message from my sister saying I am so disrespectful bc I knew my dad did not like dogs and i got one anyways they are so judgemental. So i decided to just get rid of both of them i did find a close friend of mine who has had 3 bunnies before in the past to see if she would like them and she would, so i have decided to give her to her tomorrow, I have not had a pet animal to be able to give away in years so this is so devastating I have been crying all day at work, how do you cope with this type of loss. I still need to find a home for my puppy I am dreading this also. : (((( please help me.
May 12, 2014 at 8:41 pm
goodgriefpetloss
Adriana, I am so sorry you’re having to give up your pets. I don’t know your situation, such as your age and living arrangements. But as long as you have found good homes for these pets, at least you can look forward to having your own rescued pets someday in the future when you no longer have to answer to anyone else in the household. Best of luck.
May 27, 2014 at 5:51 am
karen
Thank you for this post and continuing to respond to comments. Going through this loss right now with my 2 yr old American Bulldog, we adopted him in January and has been the most awesome, awesome member of the family. We are selling our home and will be renting, and if course it is difficult to find a place that is okay with his breed and weight, so we are surrendering him to the local SPCA. We lost our almost 2 yr old boxer to cancer a few years ago which was sad, is nothing like the heartwrenching pain we are feeling now. Guilt for having to surrender him after such a short time and not knowing what his future will be as he deserves nothing but love and the best. Hoping the tears stop soon 😦
June 1, 2014 at 3:00 pm
wayne kimler
I have no idea how to deal with this. My two cats I have had since they were 8 weeks old and now 13 years old. I must move my family to another country for job reasons and I have been told by 3 vets there is no way they can live through the strict laws on quarantine so I have found a loving home for them but, yet I have no idea how I can handle this, I refuse to let them die in a cage in some foreign country they deserve far better. They are truly my babies who foliow me everywhere every day. they are by my side everywhere in this house. I spoon fed Lucy when she was sick and tube fed Linus while he was going through fatty live disease. I am an emotional wreck right now and have absolutely zero clue on how to cope. The amount of guilt is insane. I know its for the better but they truly are like my two children. I have been so accustomed to laying in bed while Lucy sleeps on my head and Linus on my chest for well over 12 years now. This is so tough , Im crying now. I have 3 weeks before we leave and trying to cope on what is going to happen in two weeks when they leave and the life I have after we move?
June 1, 2014 at 3:06 pm
wayne kimler
I understand fully that they will be loved which I am so grateful for , however the heartache and tear in my soul. wow!! I know when all is said it is better for them to at least try to live a few more years without me rather than me be selfish and try a horrible move /quarrentine on them.
June 10, 2014 at 8:21 pm
Effy
I found your article a great help, having given up my much loved dog a couple of months. Despite having a wonderful new home she is still remembering me and sleeping by their door rather than her bed and running up to people that look like me, so I feel very bad. Miss her like crazy and sounds like she has memories of me too!
I’m hoping she will forget and adjust.
June 20, 2014 at 9:27 pm
Nicole
I have a puppy named patches she is very well behaved and so smart I was able to teach her to go to the bathroom outside in 2 days! She is very cute and very playful. She was one of the four puppies my older dog Sandy had given birth to… my cousin is quite spoiled and my uncle (his father) was willing to do anything for him so when he saw the puppies he immediately choose the one he wanted and of course his father let him even tho we don’t have the room for another dog. I tried to reason with him but it was no use. I in the mean time had fallen in love with Patches ❤ but now because my cousin brought ''his'' puppy to my house I understood that having 3 dogs is too much so I decided to try and give one away. They didn't let me give away my cousins dog even tho it's the worst behaved dog I have and I am forced to give away my puppy Patches. I am giving her to one of my friends tomorrow but I just can't bring myself to do it. I love her too much and it's like a slap in the face to see my cousins dog every day but have to give up my lovely sweet puppy. I have to because if I don't there will be some conflict with me and my uncle and I just think, hope it's for the best.
June 21, 2014 at 11:16 pm
Angie
I just wrote all my story and didnt put my email and it didnt save lol.
oh well. I have just today adopted out my 5 year old Shih Tzu CALI she is black and white and was my best friend. I feel like Im more worried the new family will be mean to her if she is bad… i trained cali pretty well and i hope she knows i love her and will miss her very much. Its killings me and i feel guilty because of the loss and choices i made in life that caused these things to happen. Low income housing and section 8 place wont allow pets and i dont hav a car and just had my baby girl 5 months old and feel bad cause my dog was doing well with my baby girl and i feel like she will miss out on the love cali could have giving her. The only thing keeping me from flipping out and going crazy is knowing that this family will get her groomed and take care of her and make new friends. I used to be able to take care of so well but kept running to issues in my life that medically and mentally kept me from doing what ive always done for cali. I did the right thing no matter how much i question if it was the right family or right time. I just pray i can overcome this feeling and know that its apart of life and i did a good thing for the family.
June 25, 2014 at 1:31 pm
Vanessa Lee
I just moved into a new place where it couldn’t have two dogs. Asked the b4 moving in; no problem. My daughter took my dog, 2 yr. old cocker spaniel to hold for me until my lease is up. Well turns out she can’t keep him because of her lease. I’ve been feeling so much guilt and loss for my dog and thought about the pound. My daughter has been supportive but I just can’t stop crying. This has also caused a riff in my relationship. I cry everyday day. Even cry myself to sleep. I pray for my guilt and that he’ll be ok. Well my daughter’s BFF’s mother is gonna take him for me until my lease is up. But yet I’m still crying. I know he’ll be loved but it’s just not the same in my house. I just can’t stop crying and feeling guilty.
August 13, 2014 at 3:49 am
Anthony
My wife and I have two Mini Dachshunds: Heinz and French’s. Heinz has been showing signs of dislike toward our two-year-old daughter because she is pretty relentless in her trying to show affection. She does it in a way that makes him irritated/angry, and we don’t want it to go beyond that. My wife and I came to the decision tonight to give him away. I am absolutely crushed. As much as I’ve been frustrated by him, I love this dog. I can’t help feel like I didn’t do enough to help my daughter understand that he doesn’t like what she does, or to help our dog handle her better. I have cried twice tonight… He has been in our home since he was 6 weeks old. He’s now almost 5. I know it’s the best thing to do for everybody. I just abhor giving away a part of my family. Thank you for your webpage. I especially liked the idea that we’d be giving the person a gift. At least I can have that. He’s an amazing dog, and I know he’ll show them as much love as he’s shown us.
September 2, 2014 at 1:34 pm
Karla
I was taking care of a found kitten for only 4 days with intention to find him a home since my two adult cats are unvaccinated and he had an upper respiratory infection that I didn’t want to pass on to them. After a few days of no one agreeing to take him, I figured I would keep him and figure out a way to integrate him into my home. Then suddenly a home came along for him and since then I have been crying, feel so guilty for not keeping this precious baby. I didn’t get the new owner’s info so I will never see him again. I know this isn’t quite the same as giving away a long term pet my heart can’t see the difference. I had gotten him from a hissing, scared kitten to a playful, loving boy in only a few days and I feel like I have let him down after gaining his trust. I’m sure that his new home with the new owner’s daughter is best for him versus my home confined in a separate room and me working long hours, but I can’t help but miss him and wonder if I did the right thing.
September 4, 2014 at 9:34 am
Valerie Stancliffe
My mother gave our pug that we had owned for ten years to a stranger because we were moving to another state and into a rental. For several weeks she didn’t eat. I saw her a couple months after and they told me her favorite food was skittles and I thought to myself “what are you doing feeding a healthy dog candy?” They renamed her, too, and that infuriated me beyond belief. Worst of all, I held her, and she didn’t respond to me. She just sat there, looking dead to the world. It’s been about a half a year and I still cry when I think of her, and the guilt is tearing me apart. It kills me to imagine the pain she felt at being abandoned, wondering why we didn’t want her anymore, longing for us and our two bulldogs she grew up with… I try not to think about her, but when something reminds me of her, I feel horrible for trying to forget. And I miss her so much. I still reach over to pet her when I wake up in the middle of the night but she isn’t there. How can I cope?
October 27, 2014 at 8:56 pm
Jean Benoit
My heart is breaking as I write this. My husband and I loved cats and had several. He passed away 8 years ago ~ we had a new litter of kittens shortly before he died, and another litter born the night before his passing. After finding homes for a few, I ended up with 5 of the kittens, the mom, and another adult cat. I love these 7 cats dearly ~ they helped me through dealing with my young husband’s death, and we have been living in complete harmony since. They love each other, are perfectly behaved, and we all have a very special bond. My house is now in foreclosure, I lost my job last month. I am thrilled that I have a wonderful new fiancee and I will be moving into his home with him and his son. However, his son is highly allergic to cats. I have no choice but to find them new homes but I am completely devastated. I’ve been in denial and procrastinating because I just can’t imagine giving my babies away. They are like my children and we are a family. I just don’t want to do this but I have to be out in about a month so I know I have to start looking for new homes for them. The grief is eating away at me every waking moment.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I was happy to find this site where others can understand the grief and pain that I am going through.
October 29, 2014 at 10:58 am
Alison
I’m heartbroken!
My son has had to give up his 7 month old puppy. He stayed with me every weekend and odd days inbetween. I bonded with the puppy straight away, cried whenever he went home. He was abandoned in a carpark when my son took him in.We have tried for months to get help with his behavioral problems but unless you are on benefits or have an endless supply of cash no-one wants to help.
I want to keep the puppy but I can’t, I have a senior dog of my own that is distressed with having the puppy around. Because of this my husband and other children feel it isn’t right to upset our dog who has been loyal and a great support to us all. I totally agree, so why do I feel the way I do?
I feel like my heart is broken, I feel punished and helpless.
I cant bear the thought that I’ll never see him again and I feel disappointed and let down by dog behaviourists in this country.
I’m trying so hard to accept that he has to go, it sounds like he is going to a kind lady BUT I want him here with me.
This pain feels like it will never end
December 3, 2014 at 10:31 am
Jenny
Today I had to take a hardest decision I had to give away my best friend 15years old cat, I adopted her when she was about two years old; some people are so cruel we recently moving house we can’t tale cats there which is really heartbreaking I can’t stop crying I know where and who I gave it away to is a good person and will look after it but she was very happy with me with little amount of food and lots of love, when I left her she was mewawing and trying to hide under the basket which I catried her into I also know she’ll be happy there I just hope she doesn’t get lost the good thing is I can see her whenever I can but what would she be feeling right now? After i left her what would be her feeling I wish I was so rich and had a own house i would never ever gave her away ! Oh my baby o miss you soo muchhj!
December 15, 2014 at 3:59 am
Savi
I have a 4 month old golden retriever.. We bought him when he was one and a half months old from our downstairs neighbor . (we live in apartments)
And this was The first time we ever had a pet… So u can imagine it was kinda hard.. Tho I like to say it wasn’t…
He’s the most adorable puppy you’ll ever meet.. And I love him with all my heart..
My mums having stress issues I think or she’s just plainly a cold hearted bitch I don’t know.. But for some reason she loves to c me sad.. Ask my dad he’ll tell u the same.. She doesn’t like it when I’m happy.. U know? Funny thing is she’s the one who bought me the puppy.. Dad was against the idea but he’s in love with him now..
So my mum wants to sell him.. U have no idea what I’ve been thru.. Threats threats threats every single day from the moment i wake up till I go to sleep.. It was a HUGE UNNECESARY stress for me..
She says I don’t help her in the housework.. But let me tell u.. That was BEFORE she bought the pup.. I never helped in the housework.. But she bought the pup hoping i will.. AND I DID.. Omg I helped around the house ALOT…..
But she says I don’t O.o which is so confusing.. Because I do it right in front of her O.o she wants my baby gone BADLY.. It breaks my heart..
Just yesterday she and dad got into a HUGE argument … She was screaming and he was shouting saying :don’t sell the dog this is a problem with the children’s lives!!!!!! Why can’t u get it?!’ She screamed back saying its HER decision… She’s like the boss nw? O.o
Something is wrong with her..
And she’s lucky my dads still with her..
I hate my mother.. I do.. I told her..(after I was sick of seeing them fight) Fine.. Sell him.. But remember I won’t consider you my mother anymore..
She’s like.. ‘Ok I don’t care’
So today.. Dec 15th 2014 …
Someome is coming to get the love of my life away from me.. I don’t know what to do.. I don’t know who to turn.. I have a sister but she’s still small…
I have a boyfriend.. And his advice’s are The best but for once he too.. Is speechless.. He loves my baby that much too…
I’m heart broken.. Specially since this was my first pet… My very first… He’s so so attached to me… I’m a person who gets attached to things v soon.. And look where it got me?
I won’t be able to take it.. I just won’t… I want someone to make up my mind :”(
How can I live without him?who’s gonna greet me with sloppy kisses and cuddles when i come home?? Who’s gonna wake me up in the morning by eating my hair? Who’s gonna scramble onto my bed every morning and sleep for 5 mins on my feet till I wake up? I feel suicidal.. I really do… I don’t know what to do….. I don’t know why my mum hates me so much.. Honestly I don’t care but.. Why my puppy?? Why? He’s not at fault:”(
December 30, 2014 at 9:05 am
Dinks
I have a beautiful husky.. also impulse decision. I love him and he is beautiful.. I dont have a big enough yard for a dog like this, can hardly park to small cars in my yard, so I am taking him to my moms every day. Its getting a bit difficult now with the driving back and forth, she doesnt live all that far, but its a getting difficult. My boy is starting to dig uncontrollably. He has made 20 holes in my yard.. and that is when I am away for only an hour. He is now starting to dig up my moms yard too. This is driving my dad insane. He wants me to get rid of the dog. I am devastated. He is so cute and beautiful. and apart from the biting and digging, he is a good dog. I have found someone who loves and understands the bigger breed.. and they are only too happy to take him. I feel so guilty and like a complete failure of a “mother”. I wish I had a bigger place.. that or that my dad would accept dogs, but he does not like animals at all. He hated me poodles for 16 years.
January 17, 2015 at 1:57 pm
reissma
This past sunday me and my boyfriend got a jack russell terrier, he is 5 months old. We tried our best but found out that living with us is not good for him. He was brought up on a farm and was used to running around everywhere and getting a lot of action. We live in an apartment in the city, and just everyday that we had him it became clearer to us that even though we love him so very much and i think he loved us too, he was not truly happy because he did not get what he needed. We gave him all our love and attention and i stayed home everyday with him but even after being out for hours he still wasnt satisfied. He needs more time outdoors and at somepoint i have to go back to university and then he has even less time outside. So we decided yesterday to give him back to the people on the farm and they accepted. Now he is gone and i feel so horrible. Never before have i been this sad in my entire life. I miss him so much. I can not think about anyhthing else even though i know it was a decision we made for him. So that he has the best possible life and everything he needs. He was so cute and we bonded very quickly, even though he was only here for 6 days. I feel like the worst person in the world, i feel like an absolute idiot for not thinking this through beforehand. I am always wondering how he feels? There is no chance that the farm people give him back to us but i can not think about anything else right now. I miss him so much, i miss everything about him and i feel like i may have given up to soon. Even though i know that his life there will be good. I want him back so badly, i have not been able to eat anything since he is gone and all my thoughts are about him and how i could get him back,
Maybe somedbody finds some words for me i dont know what to do with myself.
Please excuse any misspellings, english is not my first language.
March 11, 2015 at 2:16 am
Melinda
I had to give away one of my dogs today because he and my other dog were having violent fights with each other which resulted in me going to the hospital after trying to break the fight up and getting bit. I didn’t want to give either of them away but the fight was so severe that I feel they will kill each other if it happens again. I know they couldn’t stay together but it hurts beyond belief. I don’t want him to think we stopped loving him or don’t want him anymore, we are just trying to do what’s best for them so they don’t hurt each other anymore. One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Their fight in itself was traumatizing enough, my physical and emotional pain just add on to that pain, and then having to rehome one of my babies just tops it all off. How do I deal? My s/o and I are devastated. We know it was the best option. We are saving their lives by separating them but it hurts so much. Feels so wrong even though it was the right thing to do. Feels so empty without 2 dogs.
May 4, 2015 at 2:59 am
Helen
In three weeks time I am about to give one or two kittens that were promised to our friends. I thought it would be easier now that I have been taking care of cats for years and the kittens are just 1 month old, but it wasn’t. Everyday, especially when they voluntarily play with me or sleep beside me, my heart is breaking and I once cried because the thought of giving them away is painful.
I wanted to keep them both and I can afford to raise them, but my friend is already excited about the female kitten he wanted, while my other friend backed out and there’s a possibility that I’ll keep the second kitten.
I know the kitten(s) will be in good hands and will adjust in a few days in their new home(s) but they will forever have a piece of my heart and it will forever ache for them.
June 27, 2015 at 8:41 pm
Tutu
I understand what all of you who wrote here are going through. I adopted a cat from an organization when he was 1. Shortly after I found an identical kitten at a rescue organization that was 4 months and now it’s 7 years later. The first cat never accepted the new comer and it was torture. We erected baby gates all over the house to separate then when nobody was home. When people were home it was bullying. Don’t get me wrong, the first cat, “Oliver” was so very smart and cried if I cried, ran to the door to meet me when I came home from work…. so many little loving things and he was more dog like than cat. He just hated the new comer. I endured it despite the strain on my marriage. Let me tell you in my case a man just doesn’t understand the attachment. Our whole house which we had done over with our own hands was a cage for us and the cats to live safely from one other. Just the other day I had to give up my first cat. I found a place called, “Caroline’s pet rescue” which is a no kill shelter and is a house with only cats and volunteers that take care of these cats. They live on donations. I had to pay quite a sum to get him in as he came from a home and was not a stray. Yet, the have live streaming web cams and just today I found where they put him. I watch him constantly. Upon his intake he was kept away from the others and made sure he ate and was doing fine. Then he was put in to the room they felt was best for him. I feel he went to the very best room I could imagine. Yet, he just went in to it today and he looks so lost. I cry constantly and feel so guilty I can’t stand it. I read about cat memories and they are astonishing. He doesn’t live in a cage and this place is really amazing as is the founder. Yet, I can’t stand it. I am going nuts with guilt as he loved me so very much. My other who was bullied didn’t eat for 2 days and now is eating a bit. It is AWFUL! I am so very saddened by this and despite the money I paid to get him in to this wonderful place I am thinking about getting him back even though it has causes SOOO many problems in my home from separating cats to marital issues and so on. HELP!
June 29, 2015 at 7:07 pm
Ant
I am a complete emotional mess, I can’t even clean the little table my kitten would climb & sit on as i free fed her, because of me! I deserve this punishment I deserve it for not having the patience. I got my baby (kitten) at 5 weeks old (now she is 7 months) at first naturally my parents were ok with me having a kitten (I’m 36 live on my own) then, my mother suffered a nervous breakdown & ended up in a psychiatric hospital due to many past trauma’s. Me losing a partner to suicide & been there for me & watching her die to be rock for me and my brother losing his wife to cancer, being a rock for him and bringing up his children. Then a move 4 times in a year, it broke her and I had to give my kitten up for the following reasons. My beautiful baby was took from her mother at 2 weeks and raised/fed by the owner of the litter of 5. I did not know this until I discovered she would physically attack me whilst I was just sitting, making me bleed not good with DVT’s & severe tissue & artery damage along with agoraphobia. I managed to stop that very quickly though after 2 month through play, then this beautiful kitten as she was a beautiful kitten at times (I always said to my parents & friends, “we are aliens to a kitten, which we are at first.) then all of a sudden my baby would bite very harsh, growl when given treats? Growl & hiss at unusual times, Attack back of everyone’s legs as they walked away and hiss (I used to say “if daddy wanted a princess that hisses I’d have got a snake, your not a snake your a pedigree, a princess, you walk like a lady, you come from the jaguar family. I have her convinced jaguars were the best and she was a tiger & jaguars are best of tiger family. I would tell her over & over, we don’t bite, it’s naughty and it’s painful. I would lick my hand and arm to show her what was right, I would say jaguars are the best the most awesome and amazing and you are special, your my little girl even when you grow big you’ll always be my little girl and jaguars don’t hiss, bite or run wild all day & night. Id say you need teepy teepy if you want to be the best & din din, it will make you big, fast, clever. I had her convinced she was special, a pedigree jaguar. She isnt a pedigree, she’s a black & white DHS but compliments she loves.) then my parents refused to have her over at weekends? Eh! Yet my mother needs me at weekends, my mother never told me I could not bring my princess with me. When I said I was getting a kitten she seemed ok with it and I’v only just found out, my father has never had pets and I thought he would be great with me having a kitten as he loves animals and wildlife, he donates to charities.) so not only does my mother need me my father needs me to make sure he takes his warfarin, so basically I have crumbled & I can not give my princess the training & attention she needs, I could not cope even though shevwas a nughtmare I love her so much. I found the best cat rescue centre & took time to read reviews, went through & checked out the pens, I was under the inclination that the kitten had been with her mother at least up to 6 weeks. I’v let her down and failed her, I am not leaving my kitten on her own for sometimes 8 hours a day to look after father, then go through to hospital and I can not leave her on her own from a Friday night till Monday afternoon. Which I tried once & I worried worried worried & had to bring her, which made my mother worse. I have let my baby down, I have failed her and I deserve to cry all day & night, I know i deserve this punishment for giving her up. I miss her so much I can’t take it, but I deserve to feel this way I should have had more patience with her, especially at night as she would run around for hrs in flat when all I was thinking off was “I need sleep to look after my parents.” I am completely heartbroken, why would someone take a kitten away from her mother at 2 weeks & raise it themselves. I am a mess, I can’t stop thinking about her, I won’t clean anywhere that she has left paw prints I cant even wash my housecoat which for some reason she loved to nibble on & rub her paws against it, I carry her first toy (I couldn’t give it to shelter I just couldn’t) an asda carrier bag rolled up, then silver foil attached to it by cello tape she loves chasing after it. I carry it everywhere with me now. Not even 1 bloody room in flat I can go in and not have a memory to get some relief “rang shelter today & they said she has not cried, that they are aware of but they have to say that, that she would be picked up no problem & is doing fine. I can’t take this, I suffer from
Agoraphobia so can’t even go outside to get some relief, I cry all day, I deserve the punishment I know, I dont wont forgiveness i just need to realky know that she is not crying or afraid. Should have made sure that she was brought up by her mother. I am a monster I deserve hell, god said we are to look after the animals of the earth. She’s just a baby, she doesn’t understand, she won’t develop understanding of full language. Man this is too hard.
October 10, 2015 at 4:16 am
goodgriefpetloss
Your suffering sounds unbearable. Please, please seek support from a professional counselor. Beating yourself up and thinking yourself a monster is not the answer. I wish you luck getting past this pain.
July 7, 2015 at 4:23 pm
Sasha P
Today I am saying goodbye to one of the three puppies my older dog gave birth to. She is bubbly, energetic, loving, and happy. The thing that makes it easier is that I am giving her to my sister and her boyfriend (who already have one dog). The thing that makes it hard is that my sister lives in the mainland, while I live in Hawaii. I won’t be able to see Kau (the puppy) for who knows how long?! She is a really special dog and it tears me apart that I wont be able to watch her grow. I see her cute little face one last time tonight, and I don’t know what I’m gonna do. Will I cry? Be okay? I don’t want to cry in front of my sister; it will make her feel bad. I know that Kau will have a way better life with my sister. And I just have to accept that I can’t bring her back. This is happening and she is not coming back on that plane with me. She is staying on the mainland. I love her and all I want is to know that she will always be safe.
July 7, 2015 at 8:44 pm
lexiecita
Thank you so much for this article! I had to give up my cat this week because I am in a transitory period of moving around a lot and not very stable. I have had him for 3 years and love him, he is the sweetest, gentlest and coolest cat. The process has been so emotional and guilt-ridden. During the process though, a lot of people have been very judgemental, and it just makes you feel so much worse. As if it is the easiest thing in the world for you and that you are without a heart or any love for your pet. It has been such a difficult decision to make and some don’t make it any easier. Thank you for your understanding and sympathy for what a difficult thing it is.
July 21, 2015 at 11:54 pm
Lisa Chumney
I just moved to a new apartment before after resigning from a job I got a rescue puppy and she rescued me as much as I rescued her. I had a dream of getting a job where I could have a house or near dog parks. I got a job offer in na awful place where my puppy would have no yard and no dog parks around. Also she would have to be crated for 10 hours. I might have to get another job to makes ends meet. I am so devastated, Daisy was my lifeline. I decided to give her up to a rescue. I missed her so much I tried to get her back, but the rescues policy is they don’t adopt to you if you surrenderedto them. I am so sad I had to give her up. I have so much love to give her.I just feel so sad all my dreams are shattered of providing her a home. Thank you for writing this article. I have so much guilt and I miss herso much.
August 7, 2015 at 3:52 am
Delaney
I currently have 7 cats in my house, 5 are which kittens I rescued from a feral cat. One of them I am keeping, I named him Crackles and I have my other two cats one I rescued 2 years ago from the parking lot, he had fallen out of a truck as a kitten, his name is Felix and the other one was given to me from the people down the street that breed dogs and their poodle didn’t get along with him, Smitty (Smith). So I am getting these 4 month old kitties used to people and I’ve only managed so far to get one of them, CJ, to pet him, play with him, cuddle alittle but I can’t pick him up yet. There’s 4 other ones who are getting there but still shy. CJ, Crackles, Garfield and Peach are all little orange boys, and I think the one black one is a girl. Anyways, my mom thinks it’s time to find a home for CJ but the thing is that I’ve grown fond of CJ and really like him he and Crackles are playing all the time together. 😦 I really don’t want to give any of them away but this article helped a lot and I know I’ll find someone who truly loves CJ and takes care of him 🙂
August 22, 2015 at 7:04 pm
Rebecca
I have to give up my lab pup tom. Its really hard considering the bond we have created. I love my puppy so much but sometimes we have to let go if we want the ones we love to be happy. I will greatly miss him and I know someone else has so much more to offer. This article has helped me cope with my loss. I really appreciate it 🙂
August 22, 2015 at 9:54 pm
Diane
My regret is that my mom gave a perfectly sweet healthy dog to the pound. I did object, but not nearly enough. I was only ten years old, but still feel sad remembering this loss which haunts me over 40 years later.
October 9, 2015 at 7:57 pm
Abigail Yax
My family and I have to move and we couldn’t find a place that accepts dogs and now we have to give away our 11 month old poodle and it’s killing me. I won’t have someone to jump on me when I get home or to sleep with. I don’t know how I’m going to cope with her not being around. We aren’t even going to celebrate her first birthday with her. I know she’ll have a great new home, but she had a good home with us also. I just wish our new home accepted dogs
October 29, 2016 at 1:59 pm
RomanPerez
I know this may be late but this really helped me through a tough situation with my goat. I loved her and she loved me but I didn’t have the means to keep her. This has brought so many realizations to me but it definitely doesn’t dull the pain. I catch myself crying every now and then when I think about her. The only thing keeping me going is the thought that she is in a better place where she can be tended to!
November 18, 2016 at 8:27 pm
Rose
I recently had to give my 8 year old pup to my ex-boyfriend. It was his dog before we began dating, but after we broke up, I kept her. I’ve had her for the last 7 years (5 of those being in a relationship, 2 with just me). I was the primary caretaker throughout our 5 year relationship, so it wasn’t a hard decision for any of us when it came to who would be keep her.
It has been two years since we broke up, and I am now forced to move out of my house. Due to financial situations, I had to move back home with my parents whom have a dog that does not get along with other animals.
It has been two months since she has not been with me. I feel guilty, heart broken and feel like she thinks I gave up on her. All in all, I feel empty inside. I know she is with someone who loves her just as much as I do, but, I feel hopeless. I am not able to see her given the circumstances.
I don’t know how to cope with this. Any advice will help.
January 11, 2017 at 2:32 am
Yuna McHill
Hey,
I’m reading this while preparing to give away our three baby kittens. Our cat had the litter the beautiful day of the 6th of December. But my father just learned to tolerate her and we don’t really have space for four cats. So we have to give the kittens away. We love them really much and we’ve begun to bond with them. I’ve even christened my kitten. Although we know all of the persons well give them away to, it’s already filling me with guilt and sadness and I don’t know what I’ll do when I don’t have them around anymore. Any advise?
April 26, 2017 at 2:05 am
Shelbey Austin
Thank you. I recently had to rehome my first dog and I thought it would be easy. I’ve never considered myself a dog person. But it has absolutely wrecked me. This helped a lot knowing others can get through it too. He’s in a much better home now. I just miss him.
June 3, 2017 at 4:54 am
Natalie
I am going through the same trauma. I have given away my Boy ,named Dollar to a place for adoption. I dropped him there 2 days back. He has stayed with me and my husband for 3 and half years. All these years, he has been a real friend, a real son to me. I live in a house where he didn’t have enough place to run and play around. As he is a Dalmatian, he is full of energy. He started getting annoyed being in the house all the time. We used to take him for walks but was not enough for him to utilise the energy he has. I decided to look for a place where my son can be free and run around. It is more painful for me as I have spent more time with him. He never let me feel any sorrow, grief or any bad things in my life. I lost my Dad in 2015, and Dollar has helped me so much to come out of that loss. Today, when I think of him looking at me with his innocent eyes, I cry in my heart. I could never get that from any human for sure…. I want him to be happy at a place where he can live his natural way. So, thinking of his happiness I am making myself strong to handle this …
July 27, 2017 at 2:49 am
Lize
Thank you so very much for this blog. I have to give my cat away today and it is one of the saddest and hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Thank you for sharing, this make it a little bit easier. And you are right, he will be a gift to his next family. Thank you.
December 13, 2017 at 2:21 pm
Anonymous
I find this article very helpful because I gave my dog away due to circumstances. It’s hard and this was a few years ago I still cry about it today.
February 3, 2018 at 8:46 pm
Joshua
Thank you for posting. I am 62 and have had a beautiful cat for 11 years whom I love more than words can say. I had to give him up to a new owner as am unable to take care of him due to unable to work. I have lost everything it seems. I found him an amazing home with an older woman who wanted him.He has been gone 13 days and i feel fear and grief. I had to put him in his carrier for 1st time and he resisted and cried loud and hated it. This was our last moment together and my heart is broken and i cry often. I gave him a new home and he seems to be doing ok but he loved me so much and I know he misses me. I want to look at all the positive but I feel like I hurt him by doing this. I know he will move on as I will but i never felt so bad inside to do this to my best friend. I miss him so much. I hope he can forgive me for this. I never dreamed this would happen. Your post helped me some. Thank you
February 3, 2018 at 11:37 pm
goodgriefpetloss
I am so sorry for your painful circumstances. You have done a selfless thing, putting your cat’s needs before your own, and I applaud you for that. While there is no doubt he loved you as you did him, but try to ease your hurt heart by knowing animals live in the moment and as long as he has food, shelter and someone who cares for him, he will adjust. In the meanwhile, you might get a kitty fix of your own by volunteering to pet cats at your local animal shelter. But never try to stop your tears. They are an honest communication from your heart. You need to let them out in order to process your feelings and eventually move on. Again, I am sorry you had to face this. I wish you comfort and healing.
February 15, 2018 at 10:35 am
Tamara
I am just reaching out for some support. I am devastated and cannot seem to stop crying. We re-homed our 4 year old dog because she needed more exercise than what we were willing to give her. We have a 17 month old and our dog at first had a rocky relationship with each other but they’ve recently begun playing with each other. My husband and I made this decision because of the exercise, because she has challenging behaviors (jumping on guests) and because I am getting ACL surgery. The people seem nice but I just keep thinking if they can’t exercise her more than we can why do they get to keep her. I keep researching ways to deal with her behaviors and she isn’t even ours anymore. I just so badly want her back and I am so worried and anxious that I made the wrong decision in finding her a new home. Everything I see reminds me of her. I made exercise a priority on Monday and I was starting to get second thoughts about the decision so instead of just continuing with exercise I wanted to meet the family and I gave her away on Tuesday so I wouldn’t “change” my mind. I didn’t think I would feel like this but I feel like you don’t know what you have until it’s gone. Will I ever come to terms with re-homing her? I don’t want to feel like this forever, I just want her back.