Must vent about today’s “Practically the Worst Day in Our Dogs’ [Westies Oliver, Blanche, Keely and Ambrose] History.”

We had our friend, Mitch Gonzales (the Christopher R. Mihm B-movie mask-maker guy), over to watch a Hammer Suspense film from the ’50s with us called “The Snorkel.” Terrible name, REALLY good movie.

Anyway, moments before Mitch arrived, Oliver got into some frozen foods my husband Anthony had put out on the porch so we could finally defrost our basement freezer. The naughty mutt stole a frozen 1/3-pound boneless pork filet. Pork is way too rich for dogs in general in that kind of quantity, and especially for his delicate digestion. We struggled, chase, cajoled, bribed and basically did everything we could to get that thing away from him for nearly an hour. I even offered him other kibble, a chicken wing, a walk and even a ride in the car, but he wouldn’t come out from under a shrub for anything—and that little sucker is FAST on his getaways.

Well, he finally finished devouring his pig dinner and came back in the house, only to start uncontrollably shivering, whining and finally howling for several minutes on end (he’s the only Westie I’ve EVER heard howl like that in my life). All of this was because his tummy was hurting. It was rather heart-breaking, but the doofus dog did it to himself. We put him out again and hoped he’d barf it all up.

Eventually, he must have because I later saw Ambrose eagerly eating something in the snow. Hot lunch, on ice!

All the while this is happening, I’m apologizing to Mitch for the awfulness of it all.

Then, we all sat down to a light lunch, and as we began the movie, Blanche proceeded to steal Anthony’s ham sandwich and start eating it on the couch. Luckily, Mitch alerted me in time to have me put most of it back together.

When Oliver came back in, the tummy-ache-based howling started up again, so Anthony put on a loop leash to guide out the dog again, and Mitch got to see the insane snarling and snapping Oliver is known for when he resisted being led. Score another point for good dog behavior around company. At least now Mitch knows I was never exaggerating when I said Oliver’s behavior could be downright dangerous when he loses it.

THEN, about halfway through the movie, Keely jumped up on the couch with me and Mitch and I smelled something I “hoped” was just her typical fart. But, no such luck. She had apparently had the runs outside and was toting a bunch of smeary pooh, as well as a rock-hard poop-hole plug, both of which I worked on for 15 minutes and used fully half a roll of toilet paper to thoroughly remove from her butt. Anthony got to scrub a spot of stinkiness off the sofa, too.

I’m sure Mitch was having the time of his life with this kind of Martha Stewart-esque hospitality! I was mortified to say the least. Fortunately, he loves dogs and understood. He’s even made plans to come back sometime and watch a few more such flicks. Glutton for punishment.

So how the heck was your day, honey?

Advertisements